


these frames still hold your name

by halfmoonjisung



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Actors, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Exes, Getting Back Together, M/M, Pining, minor chenji, minor markren, non linear narrative for the dividers, one sided renmin, yes i created a new tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:46:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 30,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26394370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halfmoonjisung/pseuds/halfmoonjisung
Summary: Rising actor Lee Jeno is offered the lead in a drama adaptation of a popular webtoon written by the famous author, Fullsun. When the time comes to film, Jeno encounters a face from the past he thought he’s long forgotten about and realizes how familiar the webtoon’s plot is.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Lee Jeno
Comments: 39
Kudos: 270
Collections: NOHYUCK FEST: 정답!





	these frames still hold your name

**Author's Note:**

> **prompt #JD058**
> 
> [🎨] so............. i knew one shots can reach 30k and all but i didnt really expect mine to reach that mark hahaha
> 
> [🎨] anyway BIG THANK YOU TO ADMIN CHOCOBALL for the endless patience they had with me,,,, i kept asking for extensions to get this fic done and they’re kind enough to grant me that huhuhu ily!! congrats on a successful fest!!
> 
> [🎨] shoutout to my irls who cheered me on and helped me out 🥺 even tho they dont read fanfiction HAHAHA
> 
>  **important!**  
>  the blockquotes along the story serve as “dividers”, and i know it’s not /that/ accurate but they’re styled in a screenplay format. originally, i was going to put the webtoon’s character names (because i want to give you all a glimpse at THE actual script) but i changed them back to donghyuck and jeno soooo what i’m saying is, it’s the actual script but it has jeno and donghyuck’s names instead. it’s also in _non linear narrative_ , as stated by the tags. i hope that’s not too confusing!

> Focus on Donghyuck’s eyes, then to Jeno looking at them, then back to Donghyuck.
> 
> **DONGHYUCK**
> 
> You’re all of the colors in this world combined, Lee Jeno. Did you know that?

  
  
  
  


“Thank you so much!” the girl beams, holding onto the notepad close to her heart. “I will always support you on your next projects. I love you!”

He flashes her his practiced smile, something that causes Jaemin to cough unexpectedly across the table just to mask up his laughter. “I appreciate that. Thank _you_.”

She bows enthusiastically to everyone in the table, bouncing a little bit on her place as she did so. The notepad is now clutched by one hand to her chest as she uses the other to wave at them while retreating to her own table, her smile continuing to grow wider. Even after she gets back to her table where someone -- her friend, most likely -- is waiting for her, eyeing the notepad in her hands, she would still manage to cast a few glances over Jeno’s table. Jeno smiles the one time she realizes he caught her looking. That leads her to hit her companion unexpectedly.

Jaemin, having witnessed the situation, chuckles. “Now, now,” he says. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“What?” Jeno asks, getting back to his drink. “I just smiled.”

Jaemin plays with the glass on his hands. “Yeah, but that’s the same smile the entire nation has learned to love in the past months. The same smile they would’ve fought for,” he set his glass on the table. “I think they still do, honestly.”

Jeno rolls his eyes and turns sideways to look at Mark, trying to get some support, but his other friend just shrugs. “He’s right.”

_Thank you. I will support you. I love you._ Those were just a few of the phrases that sum up the amount of messages he’s been getting; the ones he read on articles, fan posts and ones he on celebrity news channels, public streets, and from random fans he’d encounter anywhere much like the girl a while ago.

It all started around last year when Mark came rushing to his room while him and Jaemin were attempting to have a decent game of chess, pulling Jeno aside while happily jumping on the floor, announcing that Jeno was _specifically_ asked to audition for a certain role of what was anticipated to be the next big hit drama. Jeno, despite training and being in the industry for a good five years, only had the chance to play minor roles, sometimes even just extras. He didn’t know whose eye he caught for them to offer him an opportunity way bigger than what he was used to, but that was the last thing that mattered to him that time.

He was the only one under NCT Entertainment to audition that time, so the competition he had were all people he didn’t know. And maybe life was somehow still kind to him, because out of the many actors that auditioned, he managed to snatch the role. Mark showered him with compliments that would last him a lifetime and even treated him to samgyupsal, telling him he was the proudest manager in the world, and that Jeno was going to be a phenomenon.

Well, Mark was right.

Jeno became a face the public loved and a name they praised. In the drama, he was the second male lead, the stigmatized nice guy who, no matter how much he deserved the girl, still wasn’t fated to get his happy ending with her. Courtesy of the fact that him and his character were both lovable in nature, the audience fell in love with him. Some fans even went through his entire list of all the movies and shows he participated in, trying to spot him in the background of certain scenes just to say, “There! That’s the Lee Jeno over there!”.

And ever since then, people have become invested in his character and him. Other than the large fan base he gained that just kept growing and growing, the entire nation was simply in love with him. The drama was popular, after all. The main leads were all well known in the acting industry, that’s why Jeno, someone they never paid attention to before, appearing in the same frame as superstars was a big push to the skyrocketing of his career. The company even allowed him to participate in other projects like commercials and brand modeling during and after the airing.

“Aren’t you gonna eat that?” Mark points at the cheesecake slice on Jaemin’s plate which still has about two thirds of it untouched.

“Relax,” Jaemin responds, picking up his fork and taking a portion of the delicacy. “I’m taking my time. It’s not every night we get to eat like this in public.”

“You’re not even supposed to be outside,” Jeno supplies unhelpfully. Indeed, it earns him a glare from Jaemin.

The only reason why Jeno was allowed to go out to satisfy his cravings was because there weren't many people on the streets at nine pm, so being accompanied by Mark was enough for them to let him do so. Naturally, Jaemin didn’t want to waste the opportunity to go outside, so he managed to worm his way in between Jeno and Mark so he could come with them and sneak out from the company residences. That’s how the three of them ended up in a 24/7 café with just the three of them and a couple, one of them being the fan Jeno signed for, inside.

“Please, I just wanted coffee in the middle of the night,” Jaemin complains as he stuffs a bit of the cheesecake in his mouth. “Saw an opening and I took it.”

“There’s coffee in the residences.”

“Not helping, Mark!”

“It’s Mark-hyung to you,” though he says all that while he is still focused on his phone. “By the way, Jen, I think the company’s letting you do another project again.”

Jeno raises his eyebrows. “Which brand?”

“No, it’s not for ambassadorship,” Mark replies, grinning at his screen. He scrolls and taps for a few more times before holding up his phone in front of Jeno’s face so he could read what was on it. “Another acting role.”

“Nice!” Jaemin cheers from across him.

Flashed on Mark’s screen are his chats with the handler of the acting department in NCT Ent. and they were talking about a webtoon casting. “Webtoon?” he thinks out loud.

Jaemin perks up at the word, ditching his cheesecake once again. “Webtoon? A webtoon adaptation?”

“Yeah,” Mark replies, pulling back his arm after Jeno signals him to do so with a single nod. “I heard it’s a popular one.”

“That’s awesome! You know,” Jaemin starts, and from the gradual transition of his voice to a dreamlike state, Jeno knows what is coming next. “Renjun loves those. Webtoons, I mean.”

Jeno raises an eyebrow and smirks at that. Jaemin kicks his feet from under the table.

“I guess he does,” Mark responds. “I’ll find out whatever it is though, tomorrow. I’m supposed to meet with them to discuss it before bringing it up to you, but eh, you know me,” he shares a look with Jeno.

He catches the message. “Thanks.”

“Still!” Jaemin giddily pulls his phone from his pocket, his cheesecake now fully ignored on the table. Jeno is sure that Jaemin’s line of sight should’ve included Mark pulling the plate towards him, but Jaemin doesn’t even stop him. “I’m going to go ask him for any popular webtoons he might know, just so we can have an idea.”

Mark crosses his eyebrows as he indulges himself with Jaemin’s neglected order. “That’s not… necessary.”

“Let him be,” Jeno says, smiling at the sight of his best friend excitedly texting on his phone.

A little more casual talk and Jaemin giggling not-so-subtly at his virtual conversation took place before Mark finally lost interest in Jaemin’s cheesecake and raised his hand to ask for the bill. Their server arrives, handing them a small clipboard that Jeno takes before Mark could even pull his wallet out.

“On me,” he says briefly, placing a few crisp bills that slightly exceed the exact amount they needed to pay.

Mark raises his eyebrows but makes no effort to complain. He smiles as he says, “You have to let me pay sometimes.”

“Let him be,” Jaemin speaks up in a tone that was imitating the way Jeno previously said it a while ago, eyes still glued on his phone while his fingers tap on its screen relentlessly. “He’s young money in two legs; fresh, booked, and definitely well paid.”

Jeno rolls his eyes at him right after the waiter left their table. “I can say the same to you, though.”

Jaemin smirks, glancing at him for a little bit before returning to what he was doing. “I’m not the one who was asked for his autograph just a while ago, am I?”

“Seriously though,” Mark says. “You’ve paid for all the recent hang outs we had.”

“ _Damn_ , really?” Jaemin asks. “We should hang out with you more often then.”

Mark furrows his eyebrows. “Who’s ‘we’?”

“Renjun and me,” Jaemin chirps, like it was the happiest statement in the world. Perhaps to his own, it was. Jeno looks at him before eyeing Mark, just to check how he’s taking the statement in. His friend doesn’t seem to be giving it a second thought, so Jeno pushes it away from his mind.

Their server then arrives with their receipt and change, Jeno taking only the receipt and subtly smiling when he catches the face of the server lighting up at the gesture. He bid them goodbye warmly when the three of them left the table. The fan that asked for Jeno’s autograph a while ago waved at them enthusiastically when Jeno passed by their table on the way out of the store, and Jeno returned the action (he was sorry for her companion’s arm again, earning more eager hits after what he did). All throughout, he was swatting away Mark’s arms who was insisting to pay him back.

“Hyung, seriously,” Jeno almost grumbles. “You paid for our hangouts when I wasn’t still…”

“Famous. Nation’s Prince.” Jaemin supplies for him when he doesn't continue. He is now staring at his phone with a hopeful look, his other hand gripping on the hem of his sweater.

Mark sighs in defeat. “I’ll beat you to the bill next time.”

Before Jeno can say anything, Jaemin squeals the instant a _ping_ comes from his phone. “He replied!”

Mark turns to him. “So all those times you were typing… you were just spamming him? I thought there’s a conversation already.”

Jaemin pointedly ignores him and hums one of his songs. “So,” he says, turning to Jeno. “I asked for Renjun for a few popular webtoons we should know of, and he gave us these--”

“You mean he gave _you_ these,” Jeno interjects.

“--there’s _I Write My Heart Out,_ \--”

Mark perks up. “I’ve heard of that one.”

“-- _Daylight, First Kiss, The Seventh Smile--”_

“Is it bad that I don’t know any of those?” Jeno directs the question to Mark who just laughs and shakes his head.

“--and,” Jaemin squints at his phone. “Sorry, the title was long. _Of Painted Stars and Tainted Hearts._ And that’s pretty much it.”

“Oh, I have a copy of that one.” Mark says as he pulls out his keys when they finally reach his car.

“Really?” Jeno asks. “Have you read it?”

“Not yet,” he replies, unlocking the vehicle. “Do you want a copy?”

“I do! I want to read it!” Jaemin beams as he opened the door to the backseat. “Why do you have a copy of it, though? Didn’t know you read those.”

“I don’t,” Mark replies nonchalantly, waiting for Jeno to settle in the passenger seat before getting inside. “Renjun recommended it. Told me to read it.”

Jeno blinks before carefully looking at Jaemin, gauging his expression. He couldn’t. His friend is already looking away.

Mark, ever oblivious, speaks again in a hopeful tone, “Renjun said it’s incredibly loved and well received. It’d be great if that was the webtoon being adapted.”

When Jaemin didn’t respond in any form, Jeno didn’t either. Mark, not really expecting anything in reply, started the engine.

_It’d be great…_ Jeno unconsciously thought as the car sped away.

  
  
  
  


> Donghyuck nudges Jeno lightly.
> 
> **JENO**
> 
> Are you sure this is going to work?
> 
> **DONGHYUCK**
> 
> I am sure. All you have to do is trust me, okay?
> 
> Pan on Jeno’s confused expression, then to Donghyuck’s smug face. Jeno sighs.
> 
> **JENO**
> 
> Okay. I trust you.

  
  
  
  


Living up to his name as an actor, Jeno pretends to be surprised when the company called him in to meet the crew to talk about his project. Mark even stifled a laugh when Jeno feigned a pleased gasp.

“Sounds promising,” he says genuinely after they broke the news. “I’m looking forward to it.”

The lady whom he assumed was assigned to talk to them (“Sana,” she introduced herself at the start.) beams at him ceremoniously. “We’re pleased to hear that! Usually, for projects like these, we often hold auditions to interested actors, or we all nominate a few candidates and then ultimately choose between them. This time, however, it was a unanimous decision between the casting crew as well as the entire team that you would fit the role.”

Subconsciously, Jeno turns to Mark who’s only a few seats away from him. His friend gives him the slightest hint of a nod, something that translates to _I agree with her._ Renjun, Jeno’s colleague and also a member of the company’s design team, sits beside Mark, taking notes of the meeting. He briefly sends a small smile to Jeno’s way when he notices him looking at where they were seated.

Miss Joohyun, the CEO of the company, clears her throat. “We have been getting a lot of offers for Jeno, actually,” she starts, sounding proud. Jeno’s chest swells with pride. “Acting offers, to be more specific. But this is the only one that really caught our eye and would work in favor of Jeno’s career. That is, if he accepts it.”

He likes that about Miss Joohyun. She always considers her idols’ thoughts, feelings, and opinions, and often makes sure that they still get the liberty they deserve in the job.

Sana looks at him hopefully. “We would be delighted to have you in the team.”

Mark raises his hand to ask a question. “Can we know a few details about this drama?”

“Of course,” Sana replies, pushing a folder forward towards Mark. Jeno moves his seat closer to him so they can both read the file as Sana says, “It’s an adaptation from the extremely well received webtoon, _Of Painted Stars and Tainted Hearts.”_

Renjun perks up from his seat. “The one by _Fullsun?”_

“Yes, that one!” Sana responds brightly, pleased that someone recognizes the title. “We’re really happy that the author agreed to let his work be adapted, because a lot of people will surely look forward to it. The summary is over there in the file, you can read it if you like. But basically, the role Jeno would be playing is the leading guy.”

Jeno briefly scans the summary, not really wanting to read a thick paragraph. Mark turns to him and gives him a look that asks, _You in?_

Jeno nods. He then turns to both Sana and Miss Joohyun with a big smile on his face. “I’ll do it.”

Joohyun beams at him while Sana almost squeals in her seat. “It’s a great honor to have you in the show! We’ll send you a copy of the script later.”

After a few more discussions and the official contract signing, Sana and her team bid them goodbye and left, and Jeno, Mark, Renjun and Miss Joohyun were left in the room.

“I’m really happy you took the role,” Miss Joohyun tells him she picks up her stuff. Mark and Renjun were doing the same. “The instant they emailed me about it, I just knew it was perfect for you.”

Jeno smiles at her sincerely. “I appreciate that. Thank you for looking out for me.”

Joohyun returns the smile. “Always. I’m proud of you, remember that,” she then turns to Mark and Renjun. “Keep up the good work!”

“Yes Ma’am!” they simultaneously answer.

They parted ways when they exited the room, with Miss Joohyun heading back to their office and the rest of them going back to the dorms. Jeno still couldn’t find himself to move out, mainly because he still needed the company’s security on him at all times now that he’s a rising star. That’s why he’s still in the same room he was in when he and Jaemin were still trainees before they went on with their careers. Jaemin, despite his group’s inactivity, still stays in the dorms as well, so Jeno is not really alone.

“Oh my _god,”_ Renjun starts while they are walking along the hallway. “You’re going to be playing Hyunbin! I mean… I get frustrated with his character almost all of the time, but Jeno, you’re going to be a _dream boy!”_

Mark chuckles at that. “Isn’t he already, though?”

“Fair point,” Renjun agrees to Mark. 

_As always,_ Jeno thinks, but he doesn’t say it out loud.

“Does this mean I have to read the entire webtoon?” Jeno asks instead.

“I’d prefer if you did,” Renjun replies, slowing down his pace to keep up with Mark who’s reading emails on his phone. “But that’s just my extremely geeky side luring you into the fandom.”

“There’s a fandom?” Mark asks, eyes still on his phone.

“Yeah, there’s a lot of written works on a fan website as well,” Renjun replies.

Jeno sniggers. “You read fanfiction?”

“Hey!” Renjun huffs. “It’s not my fault the ending--yeah, I’m going to stop there. I’m not going to spoil you the plot.”

Jeno rolls his eyes the same time Mark chuckles. “You might as well just do so, I’ll eventually find out. I mean, I _have_ to find out.”

“Still!” Renjun protests, but he doesn’t say anything after that.

Jeno now laughs. “I bet it ended tragically, didn’t it? That’s why you’re reading fanfictions to find the happy ending you were deprived of.”

Renjun scoffs, but he doesn’t say anything. Jeno takes that as confirmation.

Mark too, apparently, because as he pockets his phone, he says, “ _Damn,_ who hurt Fullsun?”

  
  
  
  


> Pans to Donghyuck and Jeno side by side.
> 
> **JENO**
> 
> When you become a famous webtoon artist, I’ll read all your works.
> 
> Donghyuck laughs.
> 
> **DONGHYUCK**
> 
> I don’t think you have enough patience to read an entire webtoon.
> 
> **JENO**
> 
> Don’t care. I’ll still read it for you.

  
  
  
  


First day of shooting came by so fast that Jeno didn’t even get to finish reading the script when it came. 

When they mailed him the piece, they also included a schedule that indicated which scenes would be shot at that certain date and where. Naturally, Jeno read the ones that would be shot first, feeling a little bit guilty for skipping the ones that didn’t include his character -- _Hyunbin --_ in it. He also noticed at some point in the timeline from the schedule they mailed that they would travel to the opposite side of the country just to film.

_Big budget_ , Jeno thought that time.

Jaemin insisted on accompanying him at the shoot. Now that the three year contract of the boy group he debuted in is no longer active, he’s just vibing as a brand endorser and an infamous vlogger (courtesy of his fame when he was still an idol) that’s why he almost always have the time to tag along with whatever Jeno was doing. For now, at least. It’s not like his group is disbanding anytime soon—they are just on a break before they renew their contract again.

“Love them,” Jaemin told Jeno when they talked about his bandmates. Most of them flew back to China for their break, so Jaemin was the only one left in the company dorms for now. “Can’t imagine having an idol career anytime soon without them. Also, I don’t want to let go of Miss Joohyun. She’s one of a kind.”

Right now, his best friend stands giddily beside Jeno while they wait in the building for their first shooting. Jaemin looks a lot more excited than Jeno.

“I have never been this _exhilarated_ ever since our dome concert in Japan,” Jaemin says.

Jeno raises an eyebrow. “Why did you come, again?”

“To get Fullsun’s autograph,” he winks at Jeno as he says this. “Whoever they may be. Renjun _adores_ them. It’s gonna make him so happy.”

Jeno laughs. “Did he tell all these to you?”

“No need,” Jaemin swiftly replies. “You have to see how his eyes light up every time he reads Fullsun’s works…”

“Okay, okay,” Jeno interrupts him, not because he doesn’t want to hear Jaemin enter another bubble of just talking about Renjun, but because Mark is approaching them after talking to other managers.

“You okay there?” Mark asks when Jaemin fell silent the instant he approached.

“Yeah,” Jaemin says, a bit too cheerful to be true.

“How’s it going?” Jeno asks Mark.

His friend shrugs. “Going well. You’re surprisingly early, they admire that. Anyway, if you want, you can head there and talk to the rest of the cast.”

Mark cocks his head to the side where a small gathering of familiar people can be found. Jaemin lets out a low whistle, recognizing the faces of the said celebrities.

“Big time,” Jaemin voices out Jeno’s thoughts.

“Definitely,” Mark agrees. He turns to Jaemin. “Do you want to drop by the snack hall? The webtoon author doesn’t arrive in like thirty minutes…”

“Sure, hyung,” Jaemin agrees, putting on his cap and shades again. He turns to Jeno. “Do you want us to get you anything?”

Jeno shakes his head. “No, thank you.”

Mark then places a hand on his shoulder. “You know our numbers,” he tilts his head again to the direction of Jeno’s co-stars. “In the meantime, socialize.”

“On it,” Jeno replies, and then he’s bidding them goodbye as they exit the lounge, Jaemin seeming like he’s talking to Mark excitedly about Fullsun, based on what Jeno could read from his friend’s lips.

Once they are out of the room and his sight, Jeno pulls out his phone to glance at his reflection, fixing the fringe of his hair before he pockets it again and walks over to where the others were.

The first to notice him is Han, one of the idols who are about to make their acting debut through this show. He gives Jeno a polite wave, with the rest of the cast following suit. “Hey, Jeno!” Han greets.

Jeno flashes them a smile. “Hello. Are we complete?”

“Not yet, I think,” a girl from beside him -- Chaeyeon, he recognizes, from that hit historical drama -- says. “But at least the two of you are here already. Main characters, I mean.”

Jeno furrows his eyebrows. “Two of us?”

“Hi,” someone chirps from his other side. Jeno turns to look at whoever spoke and is mildly caught off guard when he sees the owner of the voice. “I’ll be working with you.”

“Hello,” Jeno greets back, still a little bit startled. “I-- I’m a big fan of your romcom. It’s a phenomenal show.”

Yeeun beams. “Thank you! But really, if anyone’s honored to be working with someone, it’d be me working with you.”

They share a round of polite laughter, just to ease the tension and work their way on becoming comfortable with each other. Even though they eventually fell into a steady conversation from waking up early for the shoot to reading the entire script (or failing to do so), Jeno is still somehow in a state of disbelief.

He’s actually right there, in a room full of well-known personalities, all bearing names that people of the nation and outside of the country look up to and praise. And he’s one of them. When he first experienced this with his first drama, as a second male lead, he often believed that it was just luck. Now, however, when people who are admired by many claim that they admire him, Jeno’s mind goes spinning with both flattery and disbelief.

Still, he wouldn’t want to take everything back. He’s gone through a lot to get to where he is right now, and he couldn’t be happier. This is what he’s been dreaming of ever since he decided in twelfth grade that he’s going to be an actor.

He smiles as the morning goes on, finally feeling that everything’s falling into place.

That is, until Jaemin and Mark return from their escapade in the snack hall, Jaemin bouncing on his feet as he approaches Jeno with a pack of chips in his hand. 

“Hey,” Jeno excuses himself from the group and meets an excited Jaemin halfway. “You’re happy.”

“For someone who doesn’t read webtoons,” Mark starts, opening his can of soda. “He’s surely excited to meet Fullsun.”

“The author?” Jeno asks. “He’s here?”

“Yeah,” Jaemin beams, pulling out a small notepad and a pen from the pocket of his jeans. “I’m ready.”

Mark laughs. “What do you need his autograph for?”

“For Renjun!” Jaemin hisses at him. “Don’t you pay attention to him? He _loves_ Fullsun’s works.”

Mark looks at him incredulously as he raises one arm up in surrender, the other still holding onto his drink. “Okay, uh… I’m sorry?”

“Everyone!” someone calls from the center. Everybody turns to their direction and a fresh face greets them all with a smile. “How are you today?”

“The director,” Mark whispers from beside him. Jeno nods.

“I’m Byun Baekhyun,” the man introduces himself, approaching each of them. “I will be directing the show and I am very pleased to see all of you here. I hope that we will all cooperate with everyone during the filming and also have fun in the process.”

“He seems nice,” Jaemin adds from his other side. “Looks young too. And successful. This project really seems like the next big thing.”

Mark nods. “That’s because it is.”

Jeno smiles.

“Anyway,” Baekhyun speaks again. “I hope everybody at least has an idea on the story. It is a quite popular webtoon and I am so excited to bring it to the screen. That being said,” he gestures to the door. People’s eyes follow. “I believe our dearest author will be joining us in a few moments. He agreed to let the story be adapted so long as he gets a say in the filming, so most of the time, he and I will be working together in managing the creation of this show. Please listen to him as well.”

Jeno nods along with the others.

“Damn,” Jaemin lets out quietly in an impressive tone. “I admire him.”

“Sir Baekhyun?” Jeno asks in an equally low volume.

Jaemin shakes his head. “Fullsun. I’m glad he gets a say in the directing. Renjun often complains about dramas butchering the story of the webtoons or novels they were adapted from.”

“He wrote the screenplay,” Mark adds. “They let him do it.”

“Wow,” Jeno says, impressed. Baekhyun is still talking about their plans for the entire filming, but somehow, the three of them find themselves in the comfort of this new conversation among them to even listen to what the director has to say. “That’s pretty admirable.”

“I heard the webtoon is held close to his heart,” Jaemin says.

Mark chuckles at this. “Let me guess, from Renjun?”

Jeno snickers. “Who else?”

Jaemin doesn’t seem bothered by these. “I mean, I can kind of understand him. Like, back in my time with the boys, there are songs that were written that really came from a sentimental part of any one of us, and with those songs, we always have a say on how it’s going to be produced and all. Because a part of you’s in there, you know? You can’t just hand that to people who don’t know you on a silver platter.”

Mark and Jeno are both silent, but they don’t need to respond to let Jaemin know that they agreed. 

“...but don’t worry, because the schedule can be flexible--” Baekhyun cuts himself off just when Jeno decides to tune in. The director’s eyes lit up, looking at the entrance. “Mr. Lee! Welcome!”

“Ooooh…” Jaemin trails as they all turn to see who this _Mr. Lee_ is. “You have the same surname!”

Jeno freezes.

Same surname or not, there was no way that he could’ve been prepared for _that._

He feels his breath get caught up in his throat while his heart pounds a million times that he almost believes he’s going to explode. He can’t bring himself to look away, even when his mind is screaming at him to do so-- _begging_ at him to do so.

Standing by the door frame is none other than Lee Donghyuck.

Jeno’s ex-boyfriend.

“Oh!” Mark exclaims. “So _that’s_ Fullsun!”

It doesn’t help that Donghyuck meets his eyes first.

_Fuck,_ Jeno thinks, amidst the many thoughts spiraling in his mind. _Fuck fuck fuck._

And perhaps, Donghyuck is thinking the same.

  
  
  
  


> Jeno shakes his head.
> 
> **JENO**
> 
> No. No, no, no. I am _not_ trying that ice cream flavor.
> 
> **DONGHYUCK**
> 
> Man, you’re boring.
> 
> Jeno looks shocked. Donghyuck continues to eat his ice creams.
> 
> **JENO**
> 
> I just have a favorite flavor, that’s all.
> 
> Donghyuck shrugs.
> 
> **DONGHYUCK**
> 
> You can always have more than one.
> 
> **JENO**
> 
> You know, if you were an ice cream flavor, you’d be my favorite.
> 
> Donghyuck smacks Jeno’s arm. Jeno winces in pain while laughing.
> 
> **DONGHYUCK**
> 
> You better thank life that it made you cute, otherwise….

  
  
  
  


Needless to say, the first shooting didn’t go as Jeno expected.

Nothing bad explicitly happened. He even delivered his lines well in the first try of the first scene. Yeeun even complimented him every time they finished a take.

The problem lay, however, in his stupid beating heart, his restless stares, and his heavy attempt in trying to look composed--that one backfired, so to say.

Especially when Mark pulled him away from the set during one of the break times to give him a concerned lecture. “Something’s off with you,” he immediately said.

Jeno only shrugged. Not wanting to lie to Mark, he replied with, “I’ll tell you later.”

The illusion that everything was normal and going well does not sit well with Jeno, not when he can feel every fiber of awkwardness in his body send disturbing tingles through him with every passing minute.

Not when Donghyuck is so near.

And is equally avoiding him just as much.

At least, that’s what Jeno thinks.

It’s the years of acting that held him to the ground throughout the entire day. It’s the years of acting that let him have a practiced smile on his face at all times off script. It’s the years of acting that helped him pretend that everything is well and dandy and attempt to convince himself that he doesn’t actually have the urge to look at Donghyuck every waking second, just to see if the entire thing is killing him like how it’s killing Jeno.

The shoot went smoothly. Donghyuck ignored him. Jeno tried hard to pretend that he didn’t notice Donghyuck ignoring him. It was like everything was just as they should be, and perhaps to everyone else, it was.

Perhaps to Donghyuck, it was.

Because the one time Jeno looked at him, caught his eyes again the second time after the incident at the door, Donghyuck didn’t mirror the same constipated expression that Jeno was sure was plastered on his face that time. Jaemin, apparently, took that chance to saunter towards where Donghyuck was, browsing through what seemed like the physical copy of his webtoon, and unashamedly asked for his autograph. Jeno wasn’t in the current scene they were shooting that time, but he was in the next, so he was seated at a nearby seat waiting for his turn, and subtly (at least, he hoped it was) looking over to where Jaemin and Donghyuck were.

From a distance, Jeno saw Donghyuck laugh at something Jaemin said. While he did so, he subconsciously turned to the side where he met Jeno’s eyes.

Now, two things could’ve happened that time, according to Jeno’s mind.

One, was that Donghyuck’s lips would resort to forming a frown instead at the mere sight of him, eventually looking away; and two, the ghost of a smile on Donghyuck’s face after laughing would eventually grow wider, and then he’ll briefly acknowledge Jeno’s presence before moving on with whatever they were doing.

None of that happened, however. Even though Jeno was sure he didn’t prepare his reactions to both of those assumptions, he still thought that Donghyuck would at least do one of them.

He would at least do _something._

But Donghyuck did nothing.

When he met Jeno’s eyes, he didn’t frown nor did his smile grow wider. He simply looked. Like Jeno wasn’t there, like Donghyuck was staring right past him. Perhaps, he was. It’s like Jeno faded in the background, and Donghyuck didn’t really bother to look closer to see that he was there.

And then Donghyuck went back to his conversation with Jaemin.

Throughout the shoot, Jeno was convincing himself that he was fine. That _he_ was fine. It should be this way, anyway. It has been years since he last saw Donghyuck, years since they both broke each other’s hearts, years since they fell apart. He’s trying to convince himself that he was fine, that it was just the shock of seeing a face that reminded him of broken promises he swore he’d leave behind in the past that’s making him feel this way.

But if that’s the case, then why doesn’t Donghyuck seem like he’s going through the same thing?

Why does it bother Jeno that Donghyuck doesn’t seem like he’s going through the same thing?

After the shoot ends, Donghyuck is the first to bid them goodbye, saying he still has plans for the night. A pang spread through Jeno’s chest at that. He tried to ignore it.

He exchanged numbers with some of the staff and the cast before he, Jaemin, and Mark left the venue, but not without a warm “Good job!” from Baekhyun.

“Well!” Jaemin exclaims from the passenger seat as soon as they pass a couple of blocks from the venue. He had called shotgun before Jeno could do so, partly (mostly) because Jeno was too distracted with his own thoughts. “Today was quite a day!”

“You made a new friend,” Mark comments as he drives.

“Yeah, I guess,” Jaemin shrugs. “He’s actually a pretty cool person. You know, I wasn’t really expecting him to be that approachable.”

“I’m surprised he kept his composure with you,” Mark says back. “I mean, you’re more popular than him.”

Jaemin hums dreamily. “Eh… I don’t really think much about it. I’m just glad I got his autograph for Renjun.”

Mark doesn’t reply, because he doesn’t really have to. Jeno doesn’t make a comment either, so eventually, Jaemin gets lost in a daydream again as he leaned slightly against the car window, observing the scenery with a particular person in his mind.

Mark turns up the radio after a few seconds of silence, and both Taylor Swift and Bon Iver’s voices fill the atmosphere. Jeno’s never really been an avid fan, but he let himself get lost in the song if that means certain thoughts won’t cross his mind.

_“I think I’ve seen this film before,”_

Jeno closes his eyes.

_“And I didn’t like the ending.”_

Jeno’s heart hurts.

_“You’re not my homeland anymore,”_

The thoughts are now knocking loudly at the doors of his mind, convincing him to let them in.

_“So what am I defending now?”_

He snaps his eyes open, unable to stand the melancholy the song is bringing. He clears his throat before calling for his best friend. “Mark,” he says.

Mark hums from in front to let Jeno know he’s listening.

“Did the writer of the webtoon get a say on the casting?” Jeno asks his friend, subconsciously fiddling with the hem of his shirt.

“He gets a say in everything,” Mark simply replies. “He has power over the entire production just as much as Sir Baekhyun, perhaps even more, actually.”

Jeno purses his lips. “So, does that mean Donghyuck suggested me, and Yeeun, and the others for the role?”

Mark takes quite a while before answering. “Not really? I believe they had a lineup ready and then had him look at it to see if the actors they picked could portray his characters with justice. And that’s pretty much it. So I guess, he’s one of the people who think you’d fit the role, otherwise they wouldn’t have offered you the role.”

“Huh,” is all Jeno could say as he slumps back on his seat, eyes now cast on the car window just like Jaemin in front of him.

“Why’d you ask?” Mark follows up.

Jeno sighs, and then immediately hoping it didn’t sound too heavy right after. “Just curious, that’s all.”

Mark doesn’t question it anymore.

After that, the car ride is silent except for the song reigning in the atmosphere again, the woes and messages it brings piercing through Jeno’s ears and heart all the same, making it even harder for him to avoid the memories that are threatening to rush in his mind once more, after being pushed away for so long.

_“All this time, we always walked a very thin line,”_

Jeno closes his eyes once more.

_“You didn’t even hear me out.”_

This time, he doesn’t snap them open.

_“You never gave a warning sign.”_

He let the thoughts come in.

_“I gave so many signs.”_

  
  
  
  


> Donghyuck sighs.
> 
> **DONGHYUCK**
> 
> Did you come here for Renjun?
> 
> Jeno smiles.
> 
> **JENO**
> 
> I came here for you.

  
  
  
  


Jeno still can't shake the thoughts away when they arrive at the company. He doesn't even bother to put up a facade much anymore, with all the acting he's been doing the entire day. Mark sends him concerned glances (even Jaemin, but the latter makes more subtle attempts in doing so) his way, but none of his friends made comments about it. At least, not yet.

They come across Renjun by the hallway to the lobby who greets them with a wide smile.

"How'd it go?" he asks.

"Jeno was awesome, as always," Jaemin responds. 

Renjun winks at Jeno. "That's nice to hear."

Jeno smiles.

Soon enough, Renjun joins them in their walk along the company corridors and they eventually fall into conversation about the certain artists Jeno's working with in the set (mostly Yeeun). Though, Jeno doesn't really actively participate. He just smiles, nods, laughs a little, and maybe makes a few side comments here and there.

The thing is, every time Renjun speaks, Jeno is being reminded of the past.

Renjun went to the same high school as Jeno, though they weren't really friends. Sure, they knew each other, shared a few classes, exchanged some messages, but they never really had a solid relationship towards each other to keep their acquaintance strong and going even after they graduated. 

Still, Renjun was familiar.

That's why when they crossed paths again in the company, with Renjun as a brand new intern and Jeno as a trainee, Jeno felt relieved to see a familiar face. They grew closer as friends partly because of where they both came from, but now mainly because they became friends through who they are now.

Still, Renjun is familiar.

That's why after everything that happened today, every time Renjun speaks, Jeno is being reminded of the past.

It isn't until the four of them are lounging by the company canteen that Mark asks about Jeno's "odd" behavior a while ago. He does this in the middle of Jaemin relaying all the details of the upcoming drama being filmed to Renjun, so it's just Mark and Jeno within the conversation.

"So," Mark begins, pushing aside his empty saucer. "You said you'll tell me what's bothering you sometime today."

Jeno sighs. "I just... I was..."

He can't find the right words to use, because he can't think of which words to say either. What is he going to do, anyway? Immediately just drop the bomb on Mark, tell him _Oh hey, did you know that the author of the webtoon being adapted which I would be starring in is actually my ex boyfriend from high school? And did you know that today I was extremely affected by seeing him again and that thought alone frustrates me?_

Perhaps he should've just said that.

But before Jeno can even speak, Jaemin lets out something close to a squeal loudly, catching both Mark and Jeno's attention, the recent question still hanging in the air between them, unanswered. "I got you Fullsun's autograph!" Jaemin finally says.

Renjun blinks at him. "Like, the author?"

"Yes," Jaemin says, delighted. "The author. I mean, I knew how much you look up to him and admire his works, so I figured I could, you know, get you his autograph."

"That's so cool!" Renjun exclaims as Jaemin's hand digs into the pocket of his hoodie to pull out the notepad he handed to the author a while ago.

"Huh," Mark says, mostly to Jeno only. "Now that's why."

Jeno chuckles. "Well, what other reason could it be?"

"Fair enough," Mark replies. Then, in a lower voice, he adds, "I still don't know what's holding Jaemin back from confessing. I mean, not that he's not obvious already. But still..."

Even though Jeno is grateful for the diversion from the original question a while ago, he still can't bear to answer this one. Thankfully, it isn't really his to answer, so he lets it be. Sometimes, he wonders if Mark really has no idea at all, or if he's just trying to mask up whatever he's feeling towards the situation by feigning obliviousness. 

"Here," Jaemin says from across them, handing the notepad to Renjun. "He's a really nice guy, actually. Quite fun to talk to. Also, his pseudonym is actually pretty cool."

"It is," Renjun marvels at the little page. He then squints and points at something. "Wait, what do these letters stand for?"

Jeno takes this as a cue to fully abandon Mark's recent topic, and he does this by picking up his own drink to take a sip from it. 

Jaemin crosses his eyebrows. "What letters?"

"The small ones," Renjun replies, still squinting at them. "I think they're L... D... H..."

Jeno chokes on his juice. Mark is quick to notice this.

"You okay?" His friend asks.

Before Jeno can even answer Mark's question, Jaemin answers Renjun's first. "Oh, those are his initials. They stand for his real name."

_Oh no_ , Jeno thinks.

Mark looks more concerned than ever. Jeno must be looking extremely constipated right now.

Renjun raises an eyebrow. "His real name?"

"Jen?" Mark calls again.

"Yeah," Jaemin answers Renjun. "Lee Donghyuck."

Renjun visibly tenses up at the mention of the name, immediately turning to look at Jeno who met his eyes. Of course, Renjun knew Donghyuck the closest to how Jeno knew him. They all went to the same high school together, anyway. And that only means that Renjun knows what happened during those times.

Jaemin's face is now mirroring the concern in Mark's, this time towards Renjun. "What's wrong?"

"Yeah," Mark adds, glancing from Jeno to Renjun, now remembering the question he asked a while ago that was left unattended. "Is something the matter?”

"Uh..." Renjun begins, but then he looks at Jeno with apologetic eyes.

"Oh come on," Jaemin starts to worry. "You both are scaring me and mark?"

Jeno thinks of his choices right there. He can brush it off and tell his friends that it's not important, and then give Mark a look that translates to You don't have to ask about it anymore and then he can go on with the rest of the shoot, wallowing in despair at the end of the day every single time, keep it all to himself, hold everything in. Or, he can tell them the story. Besides, Jeno is supposed to be unaffected by everything. The fact that he's even considering the first option just proves that he's more likely still not over what happened.

He doesn't like that. So he goes with the latter.

He gives Renjun a knowing look, and in return, Renjun gives him a reassuring nod.

"Fullsun--Donghyuck, I mean," he says. "I, uh, dated him in high school."

"HUH?" That was Mark.

"YOU WHAT?" That was Jaemin.

"HELLO?" Still Jaemin.

"ARE YOU JOKING?" Jaemin.

"HOW CAN THIS BE REAL--"

"Okay, okay, Nana," Renjun interjects. "Calm down now."

"You dated Lee Donghyuck?" Mark asks Jeno slowly.

Jeno nods. "Back in high school. Haven't seen him since... haven't seen him for years. That's why I was mildly surprised a while ago when I saw him. It was... a shock."

Jaemin lets out a low whistle. "Damn. So all that time a while ago when you were, you know, in the set..."

Jeno shrugs, looking at his now empty cup. "I'm an actor, amn't I?"

"Oh," is all Jaemin says.

Renjun's looking at his leftover food with sudden interest. Mark looks at Jeno.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Mark asks once more. "I mean... ugh if only I knew that this would affect you--"

"I'm not affected," Jeno interrupts, but he sounds unsure.

Mark raises an eyebrow at him. Jaemin, however, bellows, "You dated the guy!"

"Yeah..." Jeno trails. "But I'm over that already. I'm over him for a long time now. Don't worry about me."

"Donghyuck..." Renjun suddenly says to himself, like he's trying out how the name sounded once again. "Wow, it's been so long."

Jaemin blinks. "I keep forgetting you two went to the same high school."

"So did Donghyuck," Jeno adds briefly.

"Highschool sweetheart, huh?" Jaemin prompts. "What happened?"

Jeno turns to look at Renjun, and Renjun only shrugs at him in reply, like he’s saying that Jeno has to be the one to make the call. 

So Jeno does.

“Uh…” he begins unintelligently, one of his hands playing with the handle of the cup so he won’t lose focus. “I… met Donghyuck through art class, junior year.”

Mark’s eyes widened at that. “Art class? Like, the elective?”

“Yeah.”

“Really?” Jaemin sounds impressed. “That’s awesome! Why didn’t you tell us that?”

Jeno shrugs. “I didn’t really think it’s important because I didn’t pursue it, anyway. I immediately became a trainee for NCT.”

“Well then, if that’s the case,” Jaemin ponders. “Then why did you join? Did you want to be an artist before you decided you’ll be an actor?”

“Uh--” Jeno starts, his free hand scratching the back of his head. “Not exactly… I had other reasons, and I never really intended to pursue it in the first place. I just stayed for like, one year.”

“One year, huh,” Mark wonders. “So, why did you Join?”

From across him, Renjun suddenly finds the utensils interesting. He clears his throat and nods a little bit while still looking at the table. Jeno sighs before continuing, “I had a… big crush on someone.”

“Donghyuck?” Both Mark and Jaemin ask.

Jeno shakes his head. “No, not him. Some… another person. I guess I was pretty infatuated by then.”

“Clearly,” Jaemin jokes. “Signing up for art class just to see them? Now, that’s another level of _whipped,_ Jen.”

“You’re in no position to say that, Jaemin,” Mark says, chuckling afterwards just so the mood doesn’t die down with the truth. Jeno hears shuffling from beneath the table and assumes that it’s actually Jaemin kicking Mark’s feet (which is then confirmed by the wince that Mark lets out after a few seconds).

“Anyway,” Jeno says. “I went to the class with the intention of getting to know the person I was crushing on, and not really because I was there to draw. That didn’t end well for me. Of course, my classmates were really skilled, and could easily follow the teacher’s directions. Meanwhile I, who didn’t know jackshit about art back then, was struggling. That’s where Donghyuck came in.”

His grip on the handle of the cup tightens, pieces of memories starting to resurface in the back of his mind again, much more clearer than a while ago during the shoot and the car ride because he’s actually remembering them on purpose now. Jeno takes a deep breath, and he’s thankful when none of his friends pressured him to speak and that they all patiently waited.

“See, Donghyuck is…” He trails, the material of the cup now pressed hard against his skin. “He’s the life of the room, so to say. He’s always the one cracking up jokes while waiting for the teacher to come, and the one to make a witty remark whenever the discussion gets too boring. It’s like he’s always trying his best to cheer everyone up. Maybe that’s why he approached me, that time. Because he’s paying attention to everyone.”

“It was probably the start of the second week of classes when he took the seat next to my usual. He was extremely friendly and easy to talk to. He offered to help me out, since I’ve been visibly struggling. I told him that I didn’t really need to learn art and am only here for something else, and then he said that he knew that already.”

Jaemin furrows his eyebrows at this. “What do you mean, he knew already?”

“He knew that you were there for… whoever your crush is?” Mark asks

“Yeah, pretty much,” Jeno confirms. “I was taken aback too when he said that, but he told me I was obvious.”

“Not really,” Renjun interjects suddenly. “I think Donghyuck was just pretty observant of you.”

“Possibly…” Jeno says. “But I was like the black sheep of the class, so I shouldn’t be surprised.”

“Mhm…” Jaemin hums. “Then?”

“Then, he told me that even though I wasn’t there for the art, I still needed to pass the class, which turned out to be true. Plus, the person I liked that time was really good with art, and Donghyuck made a fair point when he told me that my crush would be more inclined to notice me if I was great at art. So I agreed to let him help me.”

“Man,” Jaemin breathes out, chuckling after. “High school Jeno was something.”

“I’m curious though,” Mark then directs his next question to Renjun. “Were you aware of all of these?”

Renjun, not really capable of resisting Mark, shrugs. “Not right away. Probably around the middle of the year, that’s when I found out.”

“Oh?” Jaemin says. “So you know the person he liked before Donghyuck?”

“That’s not really important,” Jeno says quickly.

Renjun shrugs.

“You don’t?” Mark asks.

This time, after going through what seemed like an internal debate, Renjun answers, “I do. I know them pretty well, actually.”

“Is it someone we know?” Jaemin asks again. “Wait, scratch that. That was a pretty stupid question--”

“Yes,” Renjun blurts out, shooting Jeno another knowing look like he’s giving him permission.

“Wait,” Jaemin smiles to himself. “We actually know him?”

“Yes,” Jeno repeats this time. He finally let go of the cup in his hands before telling them, “It was Renjun, actually.”

A few moments of silence. And then--

"What?" That was Mark.

"EXCUSE ME?" That was Jaemin.

"HELLO?" Still Jaemin.

"ARE YOU JOKING THIS TIME?" Jaemin.

“He’s not,” Renjun almost whines. “Also please, this isn’t about me and Jeno. I thought we’re talking about something else?”

“Renjun’s right,” Jeno says. “It… wasn’t really important.”

“HELLO?” Jaemin bellows. “YOU LIKED HIM?”

“At first!” Jeno answers. “I liked Renjun at first. Joined art class because of him, sure, but I stayed there because of Donghyuck. Because I started to like Donghyuck.”

There is another round of silence.

“Yeah,” Renjun is the one to break it. “I mean, I only found out that he liked me when he and Donghyuck liked each other already.”

Jeno squints. “He didn’t like me that time.”

Renjun gives him a deadpan stare. “Uh, he _did._ ”

“No, he--”

“Anyway,” Mark interrupts. “Jeno and Donghyuck liked each other at some point in time. Cool.”

Jeno sighs, letting the memories take over again. “Anyway, I felt bad that Donghyuck was helping me out and I wasn’t doing anything for him. So after every class, I’d treat him ice cream by the convenience store across the campus gates. Then I’d walk him home. And then we grew closer because of that. Talked to each other more not because we’re acquaintances, but because we genuinely wanted to know the other person more this time. Eventually, I kept coming to class because of Donghyuck, looking forward to art sessions with him, to hang outs by the convenience store, to walking home together… and then…”

Nobody speaks after that, but they all share the same look of understanding. 

“It’s kind of funny, actually,” Jeno chuckles to himself as the memory plays in the back of his mind. “I think it’s because all the while I was actually catching feelings for him, he thinks I still like someone else. So when he told me that he can’t hang out with me anymore, I was shocked. I asked him why. He said it’s because he’s starting to like me and that he has to stop himself right there because he didn’t want to hurt himself even more. And I stood there, looking at him, and I laughed like an idiot and he looked at me like I was an idiot and I told him he was an idiot because…”

Jeno pauses, the familiar emotion that he buried away a long time resurfacing in his chest again. He sighs, letting himself get lost in the memory again.

“Because I like him just as much.”

They all intentionally let the silence take over that time. Jeno is grateful for that. He knows what’s coming next -- or rather, what he has to say next. Sure, there are memories in between the build up and the fall out, but for a story that has already ended, Jeno has to accept that there wouldn’t be anything else after the last part, so he might as well just get it over with.

“I didn’t join art class next year, which was the last year before we all go to college,” Jeno continues. “I mean, why should I, anyway, when I have Donghyuck already? No kind of art can measure up to him. It was also in our last year of high school when I realized that I wanted to act. We had this ridiculous end of the quarter project for our history class where we have to make an entire play based off one of the notable historical events we discussed, and somehow I ended up with the lead role. I didn’t know that our teacher invited an agent back then, but right after our performance, the agent approached me and invited me to NCT Entertainment.”

“Wow,” Mark says. “What role were you playing that you caught the eye of the agent?”

Jeno shrugs. “I was just delivering my lines as Douglas MacArthur back then. I didn’t know what they saw in me too, at least not until I talked to Hyuckie about it. Apparently, the idiot skipped class and hid somewhere at the back of the auditorium we performed at just to watch me. And he told me that I was amazing, and that I did really well, and that he wasn’t saying that because he was my boyfriend, but because--”

Jeno pauses, just so he can take a deep breath. He realizes he’s rambling now, but he still makes no effort to stop it. He might as well get everything out and be done with it so he can be free of this heavy feeling haunting him. He takes the cup again, just so he can hold on to something, just so he can force himself to keep steady.

“But because I was a great actor,” Jeno finally goes on. “I didn’t know why he had that much faith in me, but it was because he believed in me that I started to believe in myself when it came to that field. And ever since then, I realized that I actually liked putting myself in someone else’s shoes, I actually liked portraying characters and delivering their stories, I actually liked acting. So, I talked to my parents about them, and Hyuckie vouched for me, and well, they agreed. The next thing I knew was that I signed a contract to NCT Entertainment.”

Jeno stops there, but not ultimately. There’s an unmentioned question hanging around the air that no one, not Mark or Jaemin, or even Renjun who only knew half of the story, dares to ask. Jeno goes back to staring at the cup, the glass already a familiar feeling against his skin.

Mark is the one who finally asks the question. “And then it ended?”

Jeno knows what “it” Mark is talking about. Though, he is also glad that Mark asked a question that doesn’t force him to recount any painful memories. Neither Jaemin nor Renjun looks like they want to ask about it too.

So he just answers with a brief, “Yeah.”

They don't ask why. Jeno is once again grateful. He’s pretty sure his friends are still curious, but he’s glad that they don’t push the topic further. To be honest, Jeno wonders if the reason why he refuses to share anything to anyone is actually because once he does so, he’s going to be forced to relive those memories again. 

And that thought leads him to another one, the same that has been haunting his mind ever since he saw Donghyuck’s now indifferent expression when looking at Jeno.

_Why am I still bothered?_

_Why am I still affected?_

“Well!” Jaemin perks up, tone indicating that he’s about to change the topic. He turns to Renjun. “Didn’t know you were roping all the men out there even during the early days.”

Renjun, however, ignores this. He keeps tapping a tablespoon lightly on one of the empty saucers on the table like he’s deep in thought. When he starts to speak, he looks at Jeno. “It makes sense now.”

Jeno raises his eyebrow at him. “What does?”

“The webtoon, I mean…” Renjun begins. He then looks at Mark. “You’ve read it, right?”

Mark blinks, guilt crossing his face. “Uh, actually, I never got around--”

“I’ll start it later!” Jaemin chirps. “I got a copy from Mark.”

Renjun only nods before turning to Jeno again. “Have you read your script?”

Jeno shakes his head. “Only the ones we shot a while ago. I haven't read the entire thing yet.” And then, he adds with concern, “Why?”

Renjun looks like he’s contemplating whether to say whatever he’s thinking about, so Jeno tilts his head to the side, urging him to speak.

So he does. “I think--I _believe,_ the webtoon is… inspired by your story.”

Jeno never thought that another bomb would be dropped on him right after a massive one, but he supposes it’s inevitable. He should’ve been surprised, but somehow, it makes sense. He thought that the reason the setting of the story was familiar was because it’s a general description of the schools around the country, but as he thought about the small details of the set mentioned in the script, like the uneven number of rows in the classroom or the fountain right in the middle of the twelfth grade buildings, he suddenly realizes why. He thinks about what Jaemin said a few days back, about _Fullsun_ wanting to have control over the adaptation because he holds it dear to his heart; that statement is now hitting differently every time Jeno remembers it.

He closes his eyes for a bit, letting the rush of emotions flow through his body so that when he opens his eyes, he wouldn’t be tempted to do something rash and impulsive out of their doing. His grip on the cup handle tightens, even though he was pretty sure just a while ago that there’s no more force to exert.

He opens his eyes the same time he lets out a breath. Still, relief didn’t come along with it.

But Jeno is an actor, isn’t he? So even though his heart is going crazy and his body is threatening to tremble and his mind is screaming thousands of questions and accusations at the same time, he manages to give his friends the illusion that he is composed. That he is fine.

“Is that so?” Jeno says.

“Yeah…” Renjun replies. His voice is tinted with guilt, like he just said something he’s not supposed to say.

That isn’t the case. At least, to Jeno, it isn’t. There’s still a rational voice at the back of his mind telling him that he needed to hear that.

“I’m sorry,” Mark suddenly says.

Jeno attempts to look at him incredulously. “What for?”

“Because I didn’t look through the project more thoroughly,” Mark rambles on. “I… didn’t even read the damn webtoon when I had a lot of chances to do so. I--”

“Hey, hey,” Jeno interrupts him, this time with a genuine smile. “You couldn’t have known. Besides, I’m fine with it. It’s been a long time ago.”

Mark doesn’t look like he’s convinced.

Jaemin, apparently, doesn’t too, because when Mark didn’t respond to Jeno’s statement, he said, “You do realize you called him ‘Hyuckie’ a while ago while telling us about your past.”

Jeno freezes. “I did?” he asks, even though he already knows the answer. As quick as he asked that, he then follows up with, “It’s just… past habits, I guess. Not a big deal, trust me.”

He sounds like he’s convincing himself.

Needless to say, the tone of his voice finally brought the termination of the conversation topic, and Jaemin takes it upon himself to talk about something else. They are discussing about Renjun’s new album project design when Jeno tunes out, letting the chatter fade into backdrop as he pointedly stares at the cup he’s been clutching since a while ago.

He let his fingers slide against the texture of the glass, and with that Jeno tries to place his attention on it alone. He thinks of the smooth illusion the cup gives but when you actually touch it for long, you’ll feel the small rough cracks and bumps along the surface. He thinks about glass, altogether. How strong it appears, how it can endure immense cold and heat, how it can hold together a lot of things, how sturdy and firm it is. But Jeno also thinks about how even though the material is strong, it’s still extremely fragile. One light push, one accidental shove, one wrong move, and the glass falls down, gets smashed on the floor, and breaks into a million little pieces.

And no matter how much you try, you can’t bring it back to how it was. No matter how strong it used to be.

All that it is now is broken.

  
  
  
  


> **JENO**
> 
> Write me a story someday, will you?
> 
> **DONGHYUCK**
> 
> You don’t have to ask. Plus, you have one written in my heart already.
> 
> Jeno chuckles.
> 
> **JENO**
> 
> And you tell me I’m the cheesy one.

  
  
  
  


When Renjun asks him that night if he wants a link to the webtoon, he agrees.

However, the closest he got to reading it was opening the front page of the file. After that, he shuts his phone down. He doesn’t view a frame, doesn’t read a word.

_Not tonight,_ he thinks. _Soon, but not tonight._

Before he sleeps, he scolds himself; wondering why he’s still affected by seeing Donghyuck, when in the first place, it was Jeno who left.

  
  
  
  


> Donghyuck pulls away from the hug.
> 
> **JENO**
> 
> How much did you exactly believe in me?
> 
> Donghyuck laughs. Focus on Jeno smiling as he watches him.
> 
> **DONGHYUCK**
> 
> Pretty sure it’s immeasurable.

  
  
  
  


Jeno is pretty thankful that the schedules were sent alongside the script, because that way, he has an idea on which scenes are being shot next, and that allows him the excuse to not read the entire thing and just familiarize himself with the scheduled scene.

It is unprofessional, to say the least. Well, Jeno thinks it is. In his past projects, he has never done this before. Still, he doesn’t trust himself.

When they come back for the second shoot, Jaemin isn’t with them. He got his autograph after all. Though, before Jeno and Mark left the company that morning, Jaemin told Jeno that if he ever wanted to drink later that night, all he had to do was inform Jaemin and he’ll quickly find the alcohol.

“There’s no need for that,” Jeno had replied while chuckling.

This time, they’re taken to the school that’s supposed to be the main location of the story. When he and Mark arrive, Jeno sees the modifications made in the set that would go unnoticed to someone who wasn’t familiar with the story -- not the webtoon nor the screenplay, but the real one.

There’s only one person that is very well aware of that story, and said person is currently chatting up with a few of the other cast members on one of the benches on the set. The first image Jeno sees is Donghyuck laughing at something Han said, and it’s still the image that’s instilled in his mind even when Mark leaves to talk with the other managers.

He believes he would’ve entered a trance if he didn’t hear a voice come up from beside him. “Hi!”

He turns to the person and smiles. “Hey there.”

Yeeun smiles back at him, catching her breath. “I was almost late. I stayed up finishing the webtoon.”

Jeno raises an eyebrow at that. “Oh?”

“Yeah!” Yeeun beams, sounding dreamy all of a sudden. “It’s really amazing. I mean, I’ve had my share of novels and the like, but--I don’t know… something about it just seemed too _real_ to me.”

She says all that with too much heart that it made Jeno’s own ache. Of course, it’s real. Even though he has never read the story unlike Renjun, Yeeun, and probably more than half of the team working for this production, he’s pretty sure that he’s _more_ familiar with it than anyone else in the set.

Anyone, but one.

Jeno only offers her a practiced smile instead. “You’re way ahead of me, then.”

“You should definitely read it,” Yeeun suggests. “I feel bad for my character. She really loved your character.”

It’s only then that it occurs to Jeno that Yeeun is going to be playing Donghyuck’s role in the story, and even though he admires her skills in the field, there is a little voice at the back of his head wondering if anyone can ever come close to Donghyuck. But then, he remembers that the other guy had a say with the casting, so he just shrugs.

“What’s with my character?” Jeno asks in a nonchalant attempt.

Yeeun hums for a while. “He’s... “ she scrambles for words. “I actually don’t know how to explain it to you. I’ll have my answer soon.”

He laughs just as soon as Baekhyun calls them over to give a quick run on what’s supposed to happen.

Jeno’s first encounter with Donghyuck that day happens during Yeeun’s solo scene with her friends. As Jeno watches them, he browses through his memories for any similarities. The more he does that, the more he notices the tiny details added, removed, and altered.

He’s seated beside the water dispenser, script in hands, the page of the next scene he’ll shoot laid out there for him. Jeno sees Donghyuck’s approaching figure before Donghyuck sees him, and he almost falls off his seat.

He starts to think of all the possible reasons why Donghyuck is approaching him -- is he going there to talk to him? To say something? To bring back memories Jeno’s had difficulty suppressing lately? 

He’s halfway through this train of thoughts when Donghyuck arrives in front of him, a passive expression on his face. 

Jeno clears his throat. “Uh--”

“Excuse me,” Donghyuck simply says, waving around the transparent tumblr on one of his hands. “I’ll just go grab some water.”

“Oh!” Jeno says, startled. He feels his face flush as he hastily moves to the side to allow Donghyuck to use the dispenser.

Donghyuck gives him a small smile and low “Thank you.”

Jeno is very much aware of Donghyuck’s presence near him. It’s probably the closest he’s ever been to Donghyuck for years. He thinks about the civil interaction they had, and wonders if he’s making a big deal to all of this. Donghyuck clearly seems unaffected, so Jeno thinks he should be too.

Perhaps a nice simple conversation could ease up the awkwardness budding inside Jeno, or maybe cut it off entirely before it can bloom fully.

Before he can even do that, Donghyuck walks away just as Jeno is about to open his lips. The other guy makes his way to where Baekhyun is talking to Yeeun, and Jeno’s left there with his mouth slightly hanging open.

_Next time,_ Jeno thinks to himself, standing up as he proceeds to take his own tumbler from his bag.

Perhaps, he doesn’t really need to start a conversation with Donghyuck.

_Next time,_ Jeno still thinks as he fills his own container with water.

Perhaps, he should just let things be.

And still, Jeno thinks;

_Next time._

  
  
  
  


> Jeno hands him the box. Donghyuck takes it carefully.
> 
> **JENO**
> 
> There. Go take a look.
> 
> Donghyuck opens the package excitedly. Focus on the sketchbook as Donghyuck pulls it out.
> 
> **DONGHYUCK**
> 
> Jen… you didn’t have to.
> 
> Focus on Jeno’s fond expression as Donghyuck smiles at his gift.
> 
> **JENO**
> 
> Don’t worry. I wanted to.

  
  
  
  


Next time came, but not in the way Jeno wants it to come. 

It came in the form of Donghyuck dropping his sketchpad while he’s doodling on it during their break.

Jeno isn’t even there intentionally. He is just passing by to grab some chips from the snack hall when Donghyuck’s stuff falls from his lap, and mostly out of instinct, he helps him pick them up. 

Though, as if like is playing some sort of joke towards the both of them, the thing that lands on his feet happens to be the sketchbook, so naturally, he picks that up first. When he does so, he gets a glimpse of the page of the sketchbook Donghyuck was doodling on. He’s only about to register what was drawn when Donghyuck suddenly grabs the sketchbook from him, his eyes wide with fear.

Jeno only stares at him, confused.

Donghyuck clears his throat. “Sorry about that,” he mumbles, proceeding to pick up the rest of his stuff. “Thanks.”

He doesn’t say anything else.

Jeno wonders if _he_ is the one who’s supposed to say something.

Even though the small rational voice at the back of his mind tells him that it isn’t really necessary, he still does so. “What were you drawing?” he asks this in an attempt to start a casual conversation, just so he’s sure there’s nothing awkward between them.

But it seems like _that_ only brought the opposite.

Donghyuck gives him a leveled gaze. “Nothing.”

Jeno blinks. “Oh,” he unintelligently replies, not really knowing what to say next. He stares at Donghyuck for a little bit longer than he intended, with words loosely hanging by the tip of his tongue.

Donghyuck gets up, collecting his things. “See you around,” he tells Jeno, and then he leaves, probably to the rest of the directing team.

Jeno freezes in his spot for a few more moments before he let himself look back. His eyes follow Donghyuck’s retreating figure who’s hugging his sketchpad tight to his chest. He then tries to piece together what he saw.

He can recall gold -- different shades of it scattered all around the paper in various patterns as if sunlight was pouring into the page. He then thinks of the scene they have to shoot that day -- the library scene, where Jeno’s supposed to chase after Yeeun and confess his feelings to her. There’s going to be additional things to manage the lighting to make it seem like the afternoon light is shining directly at them.

Jeno thinks Donghyuck’s only intention was to draw the said scene -- but if that _was_ the case, then why did he snatch the sketchbook from Jeno?

He didn’t really get a proper view of the drawing; only the gold that brought it color. He can’t help but think -- was there something in there that Donghyuck didn’t want Jeno to see?

Or is Donghyuck simply not comfortable with letting Jeno see his drawings, where he always pours a part of himself in (the webtoon now a testament to this), because why should he be, anyway?

Either way, Jeno’s now sure that the awkwardness he’s feeling wouldn’t go away soon.

Wouldn’t go away for a long time.

Or at least, until the shoot is over.

(He knows that’s a lie -- it’ll go on even after the entire thing that brought them back together ends.)

He realizes he’s still staring at Donghyuck who’s now talking to Baekhyun.

He realizes he’s the only one who looked back.

  
  
  
  


> **JENO**
> 
> Why are you helping me, exactly?
> 
> Donghyuck shrugs. 
> 
> **DONGHYUCK**
> 
> Kind of just want to be your friend… that’s all.

  
  
  
  


Jeno is right. That little incident just made everything far more uncomfortable for the both of them.

He realizes this one morning during their last day of shoot in the campus they rented. It was an early shoot, mostly because they were trying to catch the first rays of sunrise, and both Jeno and Mark were forced to wake up in an ungodly hour just so they could be right on time with the schedule.

Thankfully, there was breakfast in the set. Jeno helped himself with a _pandesal_ that one of the staff brought and then headed to the small makeshift kitchen corner to make himself some coffee.

Of course, Donghyuck just had to be there.

Jeno didn’t know who noticed who first, but he did know that when he entered, his eyes immediately met Donghyuck’s ones which were equally just as startled. There’s a half filled coffee cup on one of the other guy’s hands and the portable thermos on the other. He ditched the latter, broke eye contact with Jeno, and rushed outside with his coffee.

It starts there, and then goes on for the rest of the shoot.

What begun as a settlement of civil acknowledgement with each other (mostly on Donghyuck’s side, but Jeno would like to believe that he acted his part well) now turned into implicit attempts of avoiding each other (again, mostly on Donghyuck’s side, but Jeno would _still_ like to believe that he acted his part well).

More often than not, Donghyuck would do the avoiding.

But there were times when Jeno did the favor. 

Donghyuck would be preoccupied with something, and Jeno would spot him first before Donghyuck could notice that he was there. Jeno listens to the rational part of his brain every time that happens -- he walks away.

(And he looks back, but that’s no longer from the rational part of his brain.)

For all the time that this happened, he still couldn’t figure why he’s making a big deal out of this. He likes to think that this only happened because of the incident with the sketchbook, that he would’ve eventually brushed it off had that not occurred.

He doesn’t think that maybe there’s a whole other reason why he’s being like this, that whether he picked up Donghyuck’s dropped sketchbook that time or not, he still would go on like this.

He doesn’t think of it.

He doesn’t let it take over his mind.

He doesn’t let his brain house the thought.

(But another part of him, the one beating in his chest with a rhythm that he thought he’s long forgotten, that’s another story.)

  
  
  
  


> **JENO**
> 
> Hyuckie… I don’t think anyone can ever compare to you.

  
  
  
  


Yeeun finally delivers her answer one day. “Remember when you asked me what your character is like? Or something like that, I guess…”

Jeno looks up from his phone and nods, urging her to go on.

“I think,” Yeeun says with a big smile. “He’s just like you.”

  
  
  
  


> **DONGHYUCK**
> 
> Say it again.
> 
> Jeno smiles through their touching foreheads.
> 
> **JENO**
> 
> I love you.

  
  
  
  


He invites Jaemin to drink once.

The second time, Mark joins them.

Renjun too, when they did it again.

They don’t ask why, and just keep him company for the night. As always, Jeno’s grateful for that.

  
  
  
  


> Donghyuck shakes his head.
> 
> **DONGHYUCK**
> 
> You know what? Fuck you, Lee Jeno. Fuck you.
> 
> Pan to Jeno’s defeated gaze. Cue Donghyuck walking away. Focus on Donghyuck muttering things to himself.
> 
> **DONGHYUCK**
> 
> No, no, come back. I didn’t mean it, I-- I love you, I--- fuck.

  
  
  
  


It’s only a few days left before they have to fly to the other side of the country to shoot more scenes when Jeno talks to Donghyuck again.

The dark has bled through the night sky and they still weren’t done; the reason being this is the last scheduled day for that location, and none of them wanted to reschedule. Jeno didn’t mind, mostly because he’s not needed in most of the scenes. It was Yeeun who’ll be busy for the night.

He is playing a mobile game on his phone while Mark is reading the webtoon beside him. Jeno turns to him in frustration when his character dies.

“That’s unfair! This game is rigged...” he exclaims, but he immediately lowers the volume of his voice as soon as he sees his friend. Mark’s phone is now sitting in the pocket of his hoodie, no webtoon page flashed on its screen. Mark, however, has his arms crossed and head leaned against the wall behind them, snoring.

Jeno conceals a laugh. He doesn’t try to wake up Mark, knowing how tired the other guy has been the past few weeks. He looks around to see if the others minded, and is glad to know that the staff passing by them are letting Mark be.

He hums one of the songs of Jaemin’s group as he pockets his phone, craning his head a little bit to see how the scene is going. Baekhyun is currently talking to Yeeun and Chaeyeon, probably guiding them on how to proceed. He also sees the other members.

He doesn’t see Donghyuck.

After he finishes humming the entire song, Mark is still asleep, the scene is still going, (Donghyuck is still nowhere to be found,) and Jeno is now bored. He looks around before turning to Mark again who’s deep in slumber. He catches the traces of exhaustion in his friend’s face while he’s pretty sure he has his own too.

Jeno then stands up to go to the snack hall so he can get something for him and Mark. They had chicken delivery a while ago for dinner, but even the numerous drumstick packs weren’t enough to make up for the toll the happenings of the day took on them.

The non-existent food when he reaches the snack hall is a testament to that. Everybody has been working hard, and therefore has been consuming more. Jeno looks around and sees no staff, most of them working with Baekhyun, Yeeul, and Chaeyeon on the current shooting set. 

He watches them for a short while again; Baekhyun is done talking to the two girls and is now supervising the shoot. Yeeun is currently in character, and Jeno wonders what scene they could be currently shooting. He still hasn’t read any scenes that didn’t include, still choosing the illusion of blissful ignorance of not knowing the entire story gives.

After a few more seconds and his stomach rumbling, he finally makes the decision to get food on his own. He doesn’t want to bother anyone, not when they already have a lot on their plate, so he’s taking matters on his own. Quietly, he goes back to his seat where Mark is still peacefully snorine. Jeno rummages through his messenger bag for his face mask, cap, and shades. He puts them on and makes his way out of the venue.

As soon as he steps outside, he thinks that what he did was a good decision. The dim light of the stars greets him, the cold touch of the breeze brushing against his skin. He could use this as an opportunity to unwind, and that’s exactly what he does. Jeno puts his playlist on shuffle and lets the songs blast through his earphones as he walks towards the nearby convenience store.

The store is thankfully not crowded with people tonight. Jeno’s going to have to put extra effort on being more conscious and mindful of his surroundings if that was the case. Luckily for him, he can only see a few figures walking around the store.

The bell rings when he goes inside, and the guy by the counter greets him a robotic “Welcome, sir.” He nods back in acknowledgement before he starts to look for food. Jeno grabs a few energy drinks and biscuits, adding in a chocolate bar that he knew Mark likes. He also goes to the large freezer at the back to get some ice cream, just because they won’t film for a good five days after tonight.

His problem starts when he goes to the cashier to pay for the items. It turns out he can’t do that.

“That would be 10000 won, sir,” the guy -- Minho, according to his name tag -- says.

Jeno digs his hand in his pockets to grab his wallet, only to feel nothing but his handkerchief. He checks the rest of his clothes, trying to see if his past self somehow managed to squeeze in a few bills in the corners of his jackets. He ends up finding nothing, meeting the cashier’s slightly irritated gaze with a sheepish one.

“Uh…” he begins, the tone already sounding apologetic. Jeno looks around as if that would help him, but he’s running out of any more ideas other than the two his brain supplies.

_One,_ he can ultimately accept that he wasted his time, apologize to Minho about the items he just punched, and return everything he intended to buy back to their shelves.

_Two,_ he can use his credit card, which is named after him, which meant that Minho here would find out about his identity, and he isn’t sure if that’s a good idea, because he doesn’t really know this guy. He knows how social media works, about how fast the information spreads. One text or tweet from this guy and then Jeno’s going to be swarmed with people in just a matter of minutes before he can even go back to the shooting location. That would cause him trouble for himself, for Mark, and the rest of the crew. He’ll ultimately become another burden they would have to deal with for the night, as if their workload for today’s schedule isn’t enough.

On the other hand, Jeno can give them the benefit of the doubt. Minho doesn’t seem like the type to rat him out, at least. Judging from the bored expression the cashier’s showing him, he thinks they wouldn’t make a big deal out of it.

He’s just about to do the latter when he hears a voice that makes him freeze.

“Can you please add these items too?”

Jeno blinks, then tries to decipher if he heard that right.

“Sure, sir,” Minho says. “Will you be paying for all of these?”

Jeno forces himself to look sideways. When he does so, he sees Donghyuck smiling at Minho and nodding. “Yes. I have a tote bag with me, so you don’t have to use a paper bag.”

“Noted sir, thank you,” Minho responds as he proceeds to punch Donghyuck’s items.

Jeno is still having difficulty processing everything that’s happening. How can anyone blame him? It’s the exact opposite of what’s been going on for the past few weeks.

Still, he doesn’t say anything and just lets Minho and Donghyuck go on with their transaction. He doesn’t say anything because one, he doesn’t really have any money with him, and the two options he thought of a while ago aren’t really appealing and fully logical; and two, he doesn’t say anything because, well, he’s speechless.

What can he say, anyway? How does he react? Donghyuck spends the entire month avoiding him like the plague and then all of a sudden there he is, coming to Jeno’s rescue like he didn’t just ignore Jeno’s existence for the entirety of their shoot.

After Minho hands Donghyuck his tote bag filled with items, Donghyuck thanks him warmly before sparing a short glance towards Jeno and walking outside.

For a while, Jeno just stands there, still unable to believe what just happened.

“Uh, sir,” Minho calls from the counter. “Aren’t you going to go with your friend?”

_Friend, yeah,_ Jeno thinks miserably. Still, he puts on a smile. “Y- yeah, sorry about that. Thank you.” He sends them a polite wave before rushing outside.

Donghyuck is standing by the sidewalk, looking ahead. When he hears the shop doors open, he turns to the side and meets Jeno’s eyes.

Jeno awkwardly approaches him and clears his throat. “Uh, thank you for what you did back there…” he starts.

Donghyuck looks away again. “No problem. I’ve been in the shop for quite a while… and then I saw you struggling by the counter. Figured I might as well get out of there as well.”

Still unsure on how to respond, Jeno nods slowly. “I’ll pay you back once we return to the set.”

This time, it’s Donghyuck who nods. “I’d say you don’t have to do that, but I know you’ll insist.”

They both share a surprisingly genuine round of small laughters, and Jeno could feel some of the tight feelings in his chest loosen up a bit.

“Yeah…” he breathes out after his last chuckle.

They are silent again, and Jeno knows they’re supposed to head back, but neither of them are moving. It’s like they’re waiting for the other to initiate something, though Jeno isn’t quite sure what it is.

But he thinks that since they’re both standing there, under the glory of the night sky, with the faint background music from the inside of the convenience store behind them filling the atmosphere alongside the vehicles passing by, maybe, just maybe, they can stay there for a little longer.

Jeno thinks that since Donghyuck did _that_ a while ago and that he’s still there, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to start a conversation.

“How are you?” he finally asks.

Donghyuck shrugs. “Doing well. I’m surprised they let you out.”

Jeno blinks, eyes now cast down to the ground. “Uh… they didn’t.”

There’s a pause, and then, “Makes sense.”

Jeno doesn’t know what else to say, but before he can even think of something, Donghyuck beats him to it.

“I’m sorry for… avoiding you.”

It’s pretty straightforward that it makes Jeno look up again.

Donghyuck sighs before speaking again. “I… Well, you know… it’s just…” he struggles to find words. Jeno can’t really blame him, not when just a while ago (and truthfully, up until now) he himself is utterly speechless. “It’s very unprofessional of me.”

Donghyuck’s eyes are still looking far away, and Jeno scolds himself for wanting them to look at him instead. 

“It’s okay,” Jeno manages to reply. It is true, anyway. He wouldn’t be able to say that if it isn’t. “I… understand why.”

The familiar silence greets them once more, but this time with something else in the air. It’s like ghosts of unanswered questions and broken promises start to hang around them as well, all because of the words Jeno just said.

Surprisingly, amidst all of that, Donghyuck smiles, but he still doesn’t look at Jeno. “Thank you,” he says.

Jeno doesn’t know what he feels about that.

He wants to ask _why_ Donghyuck did it, but he doesn’t want to ruin the current mood. This has been the most civil they are towards each other, and he doesn’t really want it to go down backhill again, just like the sketchpad.

Donghyuck asks something again. “Did you read?”

“Which one?” Jeno asks carefully. “The script or the--”

“Any,” Donghyuck interrupts him. “Any of the two.”

This time, Donghyuck looks at him, and all Jeno could greet him with is an apologetic expression. Something flashes in Donghyuck’s eyes before he looks away again, shrugging.

“I’m sor--”

“Don’t be,” Donghyuck interrupts him again. He’s stretching his limbs now, the tote bag hanging from one of his arms. “I was just curious.”

Jeno purses his lips. He then takes note of the weight of the bag and offers, “Let me carry that.”

“You don’t have to,” Donghyuck responds rather firmly. “I can manage.”

Jeno doesn’t push any further.

Donghyuck then lets out a low whistle. “Let’s go back? What time do you have to be there?”

Jeno glances at his watch before answering with “In around twenty minutes, I think.”

“Let’s get going then.”

Donghyuck doesn’t wait for a response when he starts to walk. Jeno blinks to himself before he proceeds to keep up with Donghyuck’s pace.

He’s still not sure what prompted Donghyuck to help him out, or what prompted Donghyuck to apologize, or what prompted Donghyuck to act this way towards Jeno. He doesn’t mind it, not one bit, but he can’t help but wonder.

Still, he doesn’t ask.

There’s a certain distance between them that Jeno can’t help but be mindful of, but he’s glad that Donghyuck doesn’t seem to have a problem with Jeno walking beside him instead of behind. The space between them doesn’t change the fact that they’re on the same line, on the same level, on the same pace.

Sometime during the walk, Donghyuck rummages through his bag and pulls out an ice cream cone Jeno recognizes as one of the items he took. “Uh,” he starts. “I think that’s mine.”

Donghyuck turns to him with eyebrows crossed. “No, I’m pretty sure it’s mine.”

Jeno then thinks that he said that because, well, Donghyuck was the one who paid for those anyway. He thinks of just giving his remaining cone to Mark when Donghyuck speaks again.

“There’s two more here,” he says while looking through the bag. “I think those are yours.”

“Oh,” Jeno says, embarrassed. “I see.”

Donghyuck observes the cone in his hand. “I guess we still like this brand.”

It’s the way Donghyuck casually drops the “ _still”_ that catches Jeno off guard. It drives Jeno confused once again -- how Donghyuck can be doing the exact opposite of how he’s been treating Jeno lately.

He doesn’t know what’s going on in Donghyuck’s mind.

But then again, he’s no longer capable of doing that.

It turns out he doesn’t have to wonder for long, because the instant Donghyuck finishes his ice cream cone, he speaks. 

“By the way,” Donghyuck says, and Jeno notices the hint of reluctance in his tone. It’s pretty easy to catch, and Jeno wonders if it’s because he’s listening closely that he does so, or if he’s already familiar with that tone. “I have yet to properly apologize.”

There’s a lot of questions floating around Jeno’s mind and the one he voices out is, “Huh?”

Donghyuck chuckles at his response, crumpling the ice cream packaging into a ball and throws it to the trash can they just passed by. He lets out a brief sigh before speaking again. “About a while ago, when I said ‘sorry’, I shouldn’t have just left it at that.”

“You were right, though,” Jeno says after a while. “With… the reason you gave a while ago. That’s pretty understandable already.”

“Yeah, but,” Donghyuck starts again, his tone now sounding like he’s frustrated with himself. “That’s… not really a reason. I mean, it _is_ a reason for the apology, but not the reason for why I did it.”

Jeno doesn’t reply to that. Even though he agrees, he doesn't outright tell Donghyuck, so he just lets the other guy take his time. Besides, his heart is a pounding mess already, so he wonders if he can still speak any coherent phrases when all he can hear are his heartbeats reaching to his ears and Donghyuck’s voice that somehow manages to find its way to pass through all that.

“I already admitted to avoiding you,” Donghyuck begins. “But I’ve been thinking for a while now, and I don’t want you to get the wrong idea as to why I’m doing it, if you ever came up with one. It’s why I’m taking my time in the convenience store -- I was contemplating on talking to you tonight when I return to the set, but it seems like life is impatient enough to bring you to that place while I’m in the middle of mulling things over. So, I guess that was the sign.”

Donghyuck lets out a nervous chuckle. “I spoke too much,”

Jeno is quick to reassure him. “No, no, take your time.”

Donghyuck seems to appreciate it because the small smile stayed on his face. “I avoided you not because of _you_ , if that makes sense.”

Jeno doesn’t really voice out his answer.

“I’m not kidding,” Donghyuck adds when Jeno doesn’t respond. “I didn’t avoid you because I’m… mad at you or I’m still sad or I’m still hung up on you or--”

He pauses and takes a sharp breath. Jeno’s heart starts to pound faster.

“Anyway,” Donghyuck regains himself. “I avoided you because I’m embarrassed.”

Now, Jeno speaks. “What?”

“I’m embarrassed,” Donghyuck repeats more weakly. “That’s pretty much it, I guess.”

Jeno still doesn’t understand. “Why are you embarrassed?”

Donghyuck lets out another hollow laugh, like he’s doing these to release whatever pent up feelings are forming in his chest. Jeno would know, because he has them too. Only, he’s not laughing. He just lets them hurt.

“I’m embarrassed for the way I acted after we broke up,” Donghyuck says all of this in a quick manner like he’s rushing to get them out. “My behavior was toxic, so to say. And don’t try to tell me it wasn’t when we both know it was. At least, _now_ I know. And every time I see you, I think about all the problematic things I did -- the guilt tripping, gaslighting… and I feel embarrassed. That’s why… I’m avoiding you. Not because I’m mad, not because I’m sad, not because I still have feelings, which I don’t, but because you're like a mirror of the person I was before. You’re like the reminder of all the stupid things I did, when I still knew nothing.”

He’s rambling now, Jeno thinks, but he lets him. Jeno doesn’t interrupt, doesn’t even give side comments. He knows Donghyuck is doing this for himself, and not really for Jeno, so he lets him.

It’s the least he could do, after all -- after everything he did.

“But I’ve been thinking,” Donghyuck continues. “It’s not right that I’m avoiding you just because of the things you remind me of -- like I’m reducing you to that. You’re more than that, you always are. You’re still a person, just like me. And I need to learn how to face you and see just _you_ , and not the things we left behind.”

“I thought I could do it. I even laughed when they asked me what I think of _you_ portraying a character that was, well, inspired by you. I guess I did for a while. Until you caught me with the sketchbook, and they were shooting _that_ scene, the one where…”

Donghyuck finally takes a break from speaking, and in doing so, he pauses like he’s contemplating something while trying to catch his breath. Jeno is looking right ahead, but in his peripheral vision, he can still see Donghyuck. He lets it stay that way.

“Anyway,” Donghyuck completely abandons the previous thought. “It’s just a habit of mine, I guess. When I blank on what to draw, I draw memories, just because they’re familiar and I can practice with portraying emotions -- and I can always draw them differently, and I’m rambling again--”

He interrupts that with a chuckle, like he’s releasing tension.

“And it was out of habit that I drew the memory that the scene was inspired by, and then you saw that, and I figured you must’ve concluded that I’m _still_ pathetic because I was drawing that, so I did the stupid of choice of just avoiding you.”

He doesn’t say anything else after that. 

Jeno clears his throat. “I don’t think you’re pathetic,” he whispers quietly. “I never did.”

Donghyuck lets out another hollow laugh. “Well, it’s been how long,” and then, in a quieter voice, “And I don’t know you anymore, not like before.”

Jeno, despite his chest constricting, smiles. He doesn’t show it to Donghyuck (not like he _can_ actually show it -- he’s wearing a mask), but he angles his head a little bit so that Donghyuck’s vision can glimpse at a hint of it through the crinkles of his cheeks. “It _has_ been so long, huh…”

“Yeah,” is Donghyuck’s quick and quiet reply.

Jeno lets the smile stay on his face. “I think it’s great that you draw memories.” He means that.

Donghyuck doesn’t say anything. Jeno doesn’t know if it’s because he’s still thinking of what to reply or if he’s expecting Jeno to say more.

Before the silence can ensue awkward tension in the air, Jeno speaks again. “To relive those emotions again just to convey the message well, that’s amazing Hyu--Donghyuck.”

The smile vanishes from his face after his small almost slip-up. From beside him, Donghyuck sighs.

“Well, I don’t really _relive,”_ Donghyuck says all this in a careful manner. “I remember how they felt, but I don’t really feel them again.”

It’s only at that moment that it hits Jeno; the first decent conversation he’s having with his ex after years of no contact is a topic that indirectly talks about their relationship -- more specifically, how _that_ relationship ended.

Still, Donghyuck doesn’t seem affected by it. Jeno thinks he shouldn’t be too.

“So,” the other guy breaks Jeno’s incoming train of thoughts. “I said a lot of things, but really, it all comes down to I’m sorry for ignoring you because I thought you thought of me as pathetic and therefore I feel embarrassed all over again and -- I’m sorry.”

It all feels so wrong to Jeno. Donghyuck is the one apologizing, and it feels so wrong. Throughout their collection of mere interactions during the filming, Jeno never apologized. It feels so wrong.

But Donghyuck sounded so relieved that, again, he let it be.

“You don’t have to apologize,” Jeno voices that one out, at least. “I understand where you’re coming from.”

“Yeah,” Donghyuck acknowledges that. “But I wanted to. It would… give me peace of mind.”

Jeno is right. Donghyuck did that for himself, and not really for Jeno. It’s what the other guy deserves, he thinks. A part of him is glad that Donghyuck is no longer in the state Jeno last knew of him; lost, confused, sad, and broken. Donghyuck has been doing so well with moving forward.

The other part of him wonders why he’s thinking about that -- he, too, has been moving forward. He’s the first one to ever do so, anyway. The first one between the two of them, at least.

So why is he suddenly foreign to everything that Donghyuck is showing him tonight?

Foreign to forgiveness, moving on, letting go?

Foreign to acceptance?

Before he can even dwell on the thought, Donghyuck speaks again. “Anyway, sorry you had to read all of that.” I swear, that’s the last time. 

Guilt floods Jeno, and it shows in his face. Donghyuck’s head turns towards him just in time for him to catch that.

“Are you okay?” he quickly asks with genuine concern, slowing down his pace. “You look sick.”

“Yeah,” Jeno manages to reply. “I mean--no! I’m not sick…”

Donghyuck suddenly looks conscious. “Were the drawings bad? Or is it the script? They made me put cheesy dialogues--”

“What? No!” Jeno immediately responds. “I… uh…”

He stares at an expectant Donghyuck.

Jeno gulps. “I… haven’t read it…”

Something flashes across Donghyuck’s face, but it was too quick for Jeno to catch. Before he can think about it, Donghyuck bellows another laugh. “Which one? The webtoon or the script?” He manages to ask in between laughter.

Jeno blinks. “Uh… both…”

Donghyuck continues to laugh. Jeno still doesn’t know what’s so funny.

“Oh my god,” Donghyuck finally breathes out. They’re nearing the set now. “So-- you didn’t know what they were shooting that time?”

Jeno shrugs apologetically. “I only read the ones where my character is involved.”

“Mhm…” Donghyuck hums. “Well, all that freak out for avoiding you and all was pretty pointless.”

He laughs at that again, like it is something funny. To Jeno, it is only very confusing.

And because he’s utterly so, he unintelligently asks, “What’s the scene about?”

Somehow, when he asks this, they reach the entrance of the campus they were shooting at. With that Donghyuck only shrugs at him, one corner of his lip tugging up. “Guess you’ll have to read to find out.”

After that, Donghyuck goes back inside, leaving Jeno no choice but to follow him. When they get back inside with him trailing a little bit behind Donghyuck, the other guy immediately informs the crew that Jeno was with him before they could even ask. That seemed to put them at ease. Therefore, Jeno didn’t get into any trouble.

He doesn’t talk to Donghyuck for the rest of the night. In fact, the other guy is the first to leave the set right after they’re dismissed. Mark wakes up just in time after Jeno’s scene finishes, grateful (and a little bit annoyed at himself for making Jeno pay his food again, but Jeno doesn’t point that out) for the snacks, most especially the ice cream. They finish their snacks just before they reach the company car.

“You okay?” Mark asks when the fifth song of the night plays from his radio.

Jeno’s head is resting against the window of the passenger’s seat, face away from Mark’s view. He doesn’t answer. He thinks Mark probably gives him a glance or two before coming to a conclusion that he’s asleep.

He lets him believe that.

No matter how much the night reflected the supposed affirmation, he still can’t bear to reply.

  
  
  
  


> Donghyuck cries. Yukhei crouches and takes him in his arms.
> 
> **YUKHEI**
> 
> Shhh… don’t cry…he’s not worth it.
> 
> Highlight Donghyuck’s conflicting expressions.
> 
> **DONGHYUCK**
> 
> No, no, no, don’t say that. He… I don’t want to lose him, Yukhei. But I feel like I’m losing myself by doing so, by holding on to him. Or what’s left of him. But there’s none! He’s gone… he gave up… said it’s not going to work with my college stuff and his training… but I know, I just know it’s because of me. Because I-- I became someone else entirely when I… I found out after high school he’ll be moving away, and, and… and I didn’t let him breathe, Yukhei. I suffocated him with my-- my insecurities and…
> 
> Cue Donghyuck’s hiccups. Yukhei is silent before he hugs his friend.

  
  
  
  


It turns out Jeno still hasn’t read the thing right after what happened, at least not yet.

He keeps himself preoccupied instead. He knows he should read it anytime soon, but until he has the choice not to, he goes with that. Luckily for him, Jaemin agrees to be of any form of distraction for him, even without knowing the entire context.

It’s only when they’re on the plane to the other side of the country for their next stage of shooting that Jeno reads it.

He does it because they will be filming soon, a few days after they land, and he really needs to be familiar with the story, among other things. Plus, he can’t use Mark as a distraction. His friend seems to be out of himself that time, and Jeno doesn’t dare ask him why, not until Mark looks comfortable enough to receive that question. Above all that, he can’t sleep at all during the plane ride.

He opens the link that Renjun sent him after a long time from when the other guy first sent it to him. Jeno chooses to read the webtoon first just because he thinks it’s more personal. He takes a deep breath before diving into the story.

He doesn’t notice how much time has passed because he’s too invested. Granted, he’s already familiar with it, but the fact that the entire thing is told from Donghyuck’s perception and how he viewed it leaves Jeno with a foreign feeling, like he’s experiencing everything again for the first time. 

He quickly pulls out his script with his trembling hands right after he finishes the webtoon. Jeno knows he should take a breather first, but he figures there’s no time for that. Not after all the time he spent putting _this_ away. He doesn’t owe Donghyuck any of this, but he still does it.

The screenplay is written by Donghyuck as well, and Jeno can now see the similarities in the webtoon’s writing style with the dialogues of the script that he’s never noticed before. He reaches the scene where Yeeun and Chaeyeon were shooting at the time Donghyuck dropped his sketchbook and Jeno picked it up for him. His heart sank.

He recognizes this scene in the webtoon -- it’s a scene he’s never heard of because it took place when they fell apart. When Jeno first read it through the webtoon, his breath got caught in his throat but he didn’t bring himself to stop reading. Now, however, he’s going to read it another time, with far more dialogue than the webtoon frame has, he takes his break.

He closes his eyes, steadying himself, even though the seatbelts are keeping him grounded. Realizing that reading it the second time around means that it’s actual confirmation that it happened stirs something inside Jeno. It just brings him one more closer step to letting the fact that everything about the story was real sink in. 

When he opens his eyes, he wills himself to read through it again.

Jeno now understands why Donghyuck had avoided him that way, and why he made that explanation that night on their way back to the set from the convenience store.

In the scene, Yeeun’s character is talking to Chaeyeon, who happens to be her character’s best friend. In the scene, Yeeun is begging Chaeyeon to scream at her, scold her, for still not having her shit together. For still not moving on. For still loving Jeno’s character. For allowing her to lose herself if it would mean getting Jeno back. And Chaeyeon hugs her as she sinks to the ground, and she comforts her and tells her that it will be alright in time, but Yeeun refuses profusely no matter what. There’s a few more dialogues about broken promises, broken memories, and broken hopes. Whatever they were, they were all broken. 

Jeno knows he’s reading the lines of Yeeun’s character, but he hears Donghyuck’s voice in her words. He feels Donghyuck’s pain through her emotions. 

He now understands that what Donghyuck did for him back in the convenience store was one of the final steps, if not the last, he has to take on the way to liberation from all this tragedy.

It seems like Donghyuck leaves this the same time Jeno enters it.

Jeno eventually falls into slumber after finishing the script, but he doesn’t get much sleep. What was once Donghyuck’s pain is now his, and his dreams make sure that he’s reminded of that.

He’s mildly grateful that he’s not the only one who wakes up in a bad mood. Mark looks just as groggy as he is, possibly even so. Mark’s sudden change in attitude somehow reels Jeno back to reality so he doesn’t completely get lost in his thoughts.

After they land, Jeno books the uber. Mark is still looking a little bit lost, so when Jeno offers to do the task for him, he just agrees.

Jeno finally asks Mark what’s going on when they’re in the backseat of the uber. Neither of them sat on the passenger seat, so Jeno can easily whisper to him without having to bother the driver with their conversation.

“What’s up with you?” Jeno asks him.

Mark just shrugs, gives him a small smile, and then looks to the window.

Jeno sighs. He starts to think about the webtoon, the screenplay, the story, and Donghyuck altogether. It brings him back to the night of what he’d like to call their “implicit reconciliation”, and he wonders if Donghyuck is okay with them being _acquaintances_ again, so to say. Not friends yet, but also not just co-workers who merely acknowledge each other’s presence. After what happened that night, Jeno supposes he can try.

He nudges Mark, causing his friend to snap out from whatever trance he was in. “What?” Mark asks him.

Jeno hesitates, and then, “Can I have Donghyuck’s number?” 

This seems to bring Mark back to reality. Other people would think it’s because of his “manager radar” (at least, that’s what Jaemin calls it), but Jeno knows it’s more of his “friend instincts”. He returns the question to Jeno. “What’s up with _you?”_

Jeno just shrugs and looks at him pleadingly. “Just trust me on this one.”

Mark doesn’t look like he does.

“Come on,” Jeno urges again. “It’s for work.”

His friend looks at him for a long time before sighing and pulls out his own phone. Mark opens his phonebook and scrolls a bit before tapping on Donghyuck’s contact. “Don’t do something stupid,” he tells Jeno as he hands over his phone.

Jeno duly copies the number on his own phone, mumbling a quiet _thank you_ to Mark when he returns the mobile. He saves the number first before pausing to think what to send.

**to: fullsun**

yo! it’s jeno :)

just finished reading the story

both the webtoon and the screenplay

you write really well! sorry it took me so long to read it

_[ delivered ]_

He reviews the texts, feeling a little bit pathetic that he sent out four bubbles. Still, he thinks this is enough of a conversation starter.

As he waits for any reply, Mark suddenly speaks from beside him. “By the way, Jen…”

“Yeah?” Jeno asks.

Mark then becomes silent for a while. Jeno turns to look at him and finds his friend blushing.

He smirks. “What on earth are you blushing for?’

Mark doesn’t scowl or laugh like Jeno expects. Instead, his friend lets out a deep sigh. “Did you know about Renjun?”

Jeno crosses his eyebrows. “Renjun?”

“Yeah,” Mark replies. “He… confessed to me before we left.”

“Oh,” is all Jeno can say. Jaemin suddenly comes to his mind, and his heart aches for his other friend. “I think everybody knew.”

There’s a pause. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Jeno knows it’s the truth. “I think it’s about time he tells you, anyway.”

“Huh,” is all Mark answers.

Jeno quietly regards his expression. “Did you turn him down?”

“No!” Mark is quick to reply. “No, I… I just didn’t expect it.”

The blush is still on his cheeks. Jeno shrugs as he says, “Well, if you need someone to talk to about your thoughts and… feelings… I’m here, okay?”

“Yeah,” Mark responds, but he’s drifting back to his trance now.

Jeno sighs quietly and sends a text to Jaemin.

**to: nanananana**

hey

are u ok

_[ read. ]_

Jaemin’s reply comes quickly.

**from: nanananana**

not rlly

feelin heartbroken

im guessing u found out HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

laughing thru the pain

anyway it’s not like i confessed to renjun or anything lol

just... drink w me when u come back aha

**to: nanananana**

okay

call me anytime

Jaemin then sends him a moving sticker of a bunny hugging a dog. 

Jeno then goes to the messages he sent Donghyuck.

**to: fullsun**

yo! it’s jeno :)

just finished reading the story

both the webtoon and the screenplay

you write really well! sorry it took me so long to read it

_[ read ]_

The _read_ has been there for more than five minutes, apparently.

Jeno takes that as a sign that Donghyuck is not going to reply anytime soon.

He was right. When they reach the hotel booked for the entire crew, his messages are still left unanswered. 

He laughs quietly at himself in his shared room with Mark, thinking of how much of a fool he is.

Ever since that night, he knew Donghyuck only talked to him let go of any lingering fragments of the past that’s with him. Unknowingly, those fragments have been passed on to Jeno.

Or maybe Jeno’s been carrying them all along after all this time. But either way, he cannot blame Donghyuck for not responding. Not after what he read.

From beside him, Mark groans in his pillow. Jeno laughs, because here they are, making fools out of themselves.

Only, Mark’s situation seems to hold a promise.

Jeno’s situation deems defeat.

  
  
  
  


> Donghyuck huffs. Jeno sighs.
> 
> **JENO**
> 
> Are you mad?
> 
> **DONGHYUCK**
> 
> No.
> 
> Jeno scratches the back of his head.
> 
> **JENO**
> 
> Donghyuck… tell me what’s happening.
> 
> **DONGHYUCK**
> 
> Nothing’s happening.
> 
> **JENO**
> 
> Hyuckie… I told you, we’ll try to make it work.
> 
> Cue Donghyuck flinching at “try”.

  
  
  
  


The first thing Jeno does that morning is jog.

He checked the schedule beforehand, and he’s pleased to see that his presence isn’t required because his character won’t be needed in the scenes they’ll shoot today. He takes this as an opportunity to use his emotions as some sort of fuel to jog around a place he’s not familiar with. (He’ll be okay, he thinks. He has a Maps app after all).

He’s on his fifth lap when he receives Mark’s message.

**from: markly**

okay jen where r u

if u dont reply in 5 mins ill assume ure kidnapped bc i woke up and ure not here and i am now Freaking Out

Jeno laughs fondly at his friend’s concern.

**to: markly**

im fine dw

i went out for a jog

**from: markly**

wtf???????????????

what makes you think youre allowed

**to: markly**

chillllllll i got my cover

**from: markly**

no i dont think i will chill

**to: markly**

we’re not needed in the set anyway

**from: markly**

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

im supposed to ask u to hang out w me somewhere but sure u do u

**to: markly**

PAUSE

okay ill go back there after i jog then we can hang out

**from: markly**

actuallyyyyyyy head to the set

im gonna visit it just to see how it looks like lol

miss joohyun is asking

just meet me there ig if u wanna hang out

**to: markly**

cool cool

see u in a few

_[ read ]_

Thinking that he (and Mark, most probably) could use this hangout to give their minds a break from whatever’s been haunting them, he jogs to the bus stop he came across a while ago.

He’s almost frozen in his tracks when he sees another figure waiting by the shed.

Of course, life just had to play with him.

Because standing by the bus stop is no other than Lee Donghyuck, who looks just as equally surprised when he spotted Jeno.

Jeno suddenly considers retracting his steps. He’s jogged enough, but he thinks he can jog a little bit more. However, he’s had five laps already and jogging all the way to the set would just lead him to passing out, and Donghyuck is already looking at him.

The other guy greets him with a polite smile and wave.

Jeno takes a deep breath before walking to the shed.

He wonders if he can start a conversation now in person with Donghyuck, but the image of his screen bearing the messages long given up for replies flashes in his mind, and he pushes the thought away.

However, Donghyuck speaks up. “Sorry I didn’t reply.”

Jeno immediately knows what he’s talking about.

“I didn’t really know what to say that time,” Donghyuck adds before Jeno can reply to his first statement. “Though, I’m not sure if you were expecting a reply. It’s most likely you’re not, but in the small case that you were,” Donghyuck pauses. “Sorry. I wasn’t really expecting a conversation out of it.”

Jeno wants to tell him that of course, he wants Donghyuck to reply. Of course, he wants a casual conversation with him, even if it’s just through text.

But Donghyuck’s tone was dismissive, so once again, he brushes the thought away.

He does, however, ask Donghyuck this: “What brings you here?”

Donghyuck returns it to him. “What brings _you_ here?”

“Jogging,” Jeno says.

“With shades and a mask on,” Donghyuck regards. “Isn’t that hot?”

“Not really,” Jeno says, aware that he’s feeling a little bit excited with the small talk. “I’d rather do it with these on than expose my identity.”

“Huh,” Donghyuck lets that out like it’s an afterthought. “Don’t know how people are not recognizing you yet, I basically spotted you easily.”

For some reason, Jeno blushes at that. He’s aware that his cheeks flushed, and he’s now thankful for the mask covering up his face.

“You didn’t answer my question though,” Jeno points out after a while.

Donghyuck smirks. “Yangyang, my friend, suggested this great place to get breakfast from this side of the town. So I grabbed some. But I’m headed to the set now.”

“Oh,” Jeno says. “We’re heading to the same place then.”

“Really? I thought you’re not needed today.”

“Yeah, but I’m meeting Mark there. We’re planning on hanging out today.”

“Oh,” It was Donghyuck’s turn to say that.

It wasn’t dismissive per se, but he doesn’t say anything after that. And because of that, Jeno doesn’t too. Of course, Donghyuck would engage in small talk out of politeness. Jeno’s chest clenches as he hopes for something else, even though he knows it’s not the case.

There’s a few more awkward moments of silence, something Jeno tries to ignore by scrolling through the memes Jaemin keeps sending him as his friend’s own humorous way of coping with heartache. He gives one quick glance to see what Donghyuck is doing to preoccupy himself only to find him scrolling through his phone with what seemed like another webtoon. Another clear indication that he’s not open to conversations any time soon.

The bus arrives soon, and Donghyuck gets in first. Jeno follows suit. 

However, all the seats were full except for, coincidentally, two consecutive seats at the back. Jeno contemplates jogging again, but he hears the doors to the bus close just as he thinks that. Donghyuck walks forward and proceeds to take the vacant seat next to the window, and Jeno forces himself to take the seat beside the other guy.

Donghyuck pulls out his earphones almost instantly and plugs it to his phone.

Throughout the ride, Jeno’s confused. Granted, he’s always had lots of questions ever since he saw Donghyuck again. But this time around, he can feel his head already spinning. He knows he can’t really understand Donghyuck, but it just confuses him that one second Donghyuck is oh so casually starting a normal conversation with him and then he goes back to not regarding Jeno’s presence.

Jeno thinks he’s probably just making a big deal out of all of this. Of course, what Donghyuck is showing him is just decent human behavior -- and Jeno’s getting worked up.

He groans in frustration as thoughts warred inside his brain that he comes to the conclusion he no longer makes any sense; no grasp on rational thoughts and logic.

After what seems like almost an hour (he isn’t entirely too sure because he’s sure he lost track of time at some point while having an inner debate), he takes note of the surroundings. Jeno’s pretty sure that he should’ve spotted the farm where they’re shooting at by now.

As if on cue, Donghyuck sits up from his seat too like he notices this.

The bus then stops at another shed, and the driver announces, “Shinhwa Plaza. I repeat, Shinhwa Plaza.”

“Shinhwa Plaza,” Jeno repeats. He goes to his Maps app and checks their current location. He immediately grimaces. Shinhwa Plaza, apparently is on the _very_ opposite side of the town, and is very _very_ far from their shooting location. He doesn’t even consider jogging back as an option anymore.

From beside him, he hears Donghyuck groan. “Wrong bus,” the other guy mutters.

Jeno turns to the passenger on the seat in front of them. “Excuse me,”

“Yes?” the passenger responds, meeting Jeno’s face.

“Where is this bus headed to next?” Jeno asks. He feels Donghyuck moving a little bit closer to him to hear the passenger’s reply.

“To Jeongyu Mall, I believe,” the passenger replies.

“Oh, thank you,” Jeno says, letting the passenger get back to whatever they were previously doing.

Donghyuck sighs from beside him. “That’s going to take us farther,” he says, eyes on his phone. “We should get off here and find the bus ride back.”

“Yeah, yeah, of course,” Jeno scrambles to say as Donghyuck stands up already, making his way down the aisle to step off the bus. Jeno follows his lead while his heart is furiously pounding in his chest.

  
  
  


> **DONGHYUCK**
> 
> You’re improving with your art. Looks like you don’t need me anymore.

  
  
  
  


“Well,” is all Jeno offers to say. 

Donghyuck lets out another frustrated sigh.

They had asked people around for the next bus ride back to where they were a while ago, and they were all met with the same afternoon.

“4 in the afternoon.”

Jeno cursed under his breath. Donghyuck let out a frustrated sigh.

They both tried booking an uber, but to their misfortune, ubers apparently don’t drive around Shinhwa Plaza.

Jeno calls Mark to let him know of the situation. Mark, after a brief speech of Jeno’s stupidity, asks if he needs help getting out of there, but Jeno doesn’t want to cause additional problems anymore and tells him that he’ll just take the four pm bus ride. He apologizes for not being able to make it to their hangout, and Mark just tells him that they’ll reschedule and that all Jeno has to take care of right now is himself.

After hanging up, he hears Donghyuck from beside who’s having his own phone call.

“Yeah, I’m sorry,” Donghyuck says. “I’ll be present tomorrow… thank you for understanding… again I’m sorry for not being able to attend… you’re too kind… it’s fine, I trust you… yes, I know you won’t let the story down… yes… thank you, I just needed the rest… yes… you too, bye.”

Before Jeno can even ask why Donghyuck didn’t tell the truth, the other guy already answers with, “You’ll get in trouble if I tell them.”

“Oh,” Jeno says, cursing himself for once again not coming up with a more intelligent response. “Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it.”

Silence hung around the air again, despite the pleasant noise of the busy surroundings. It’s the silence that rings in Jeno’s ears ever since he saw Donghyuck again -- the silence that will always find its way in the scene, if Jeno lets it (which is most of the time).

He glances at his watch. _9:00 am._

He looks around for anything that can at least lift the awkwardness dreading to come down upon them, and his eyes land on a nearby fast food chain. It’s not much, but it can keep them preoccupied for hours. Plus, there’s food. He can also pay for Donghyuck’s lunch, just so he can return the favor the other did for him last time.

“Hey, do you want to--” Jeno doesn’t get to finish his sentence when he turns to Donghyuck.

The other guy is staring at the establishment right across the street. Jeno follows his eyes and sees a small art studio. Most of the people inside, he sees, are teenagers. It reminds Jeno of his own art journey, one he never really took to learn the skill.

He turns to Donghyuck who’s looking at it fondly. “It’d be nice to be a student again,” he says wistfully, like he’s saying it just because he wants to breathe the thought out and not really because he wants to let Jeno know.

Still, Jeno entertains the thought. “Why?”

Donghyuck lets out a small laugh. “Nothing… mostly because art is supposed to be some sort of expression of liberty, isn’t it? And the feeling of getting to know it, of unraveling its beauty as you go on and learn about it, it’s just a pretty amazing feeling.”

An idea forms in Jeno’s mind, and before he can even think about it, he blurts out, “Let’s go then.”

It surprises both him and Donghyuck.

“What?” The other guy asks, still in shock.

Though Jeno’s decision is rash, his confidence about it doesn’t waver. He shrugs at Donghyuck and cocks his head to the side where the studio is located. “Let’s go check it out.”

He doesn’t miss the excitement that flashed across Donghyuck’s face, something the other guy quickly replaced with hesitation. “I don’t think the walk-ins are cheap--”

“I’ll pay,” Jeno almost immediately says. “My treat. It’s the least I can do for everything you did for me. The convenience store, the cover up for today…”

Donghyuck looks at him like he’s trying to discern his face, but Jeno’s not worried about that. Not when all he’s feeling is sincerity, and he’s pretty sure his face reflects it. No need to act it out when it’s real.

“Okay…” Donghyuck says after a while. “Let’s do it.”

“Great!” Jeno beams. “Let’s go, then.”

Not even the mask on his face can prevent anyone from telling him that he has a wide grin on his face. As he takes the steps that lead to the studio, he can’t help but feel his heart soaring. 

This time, it’s Donghyuck who follows his lead.

  
  
  
  


> Donghyuck kisses his cheek. Focus on Jeno blushing.
> 
> **JENO**
> 
> Wha--
> 
> **DONGHYUCK**
> 
> Just a little thank you for the art you made me.

  
  
  
  


The studio is apparently run by a kind couple who both share the same passion for art. Jeno and Donghyuck come in just in time before their next activity starts.

“We’re about to start painting flowers,” Sana, one of the ladies who owns the studio, tells them. “I believe they’re doing it in threes. Love, am I right?”

From in front, her girlfriend replies, “Yes!” she then approaches them. “Hi! I’m Jeongyeon. I’m glad you can join us. It’s a… refreshing sight after all these children.”

They share a small round of laughter. “We’re pleased to be here,” Jeno says through his mask.

Jeongyeon nods and leans a little bit. “I’m glad you two came along. The next activity is to be done in groups of three, but I have a lonely student in the corner. It’d be nice if you can join him, maybe?”

“It’d be our pleasure,” Donghyuck tells her, and she ushers them to the far corner where a quiet, teenage boy is sitting in front of a blank canvas.

“Hi!” Donghyuck greets the boy.

He stares at Donghyuck in return, before giving a meek, “Hi,” in return.

“My name’s Donghyuck, and this is, uh,” he gestures to Jeno, sending the other guy a signal.

“I’m, uh, Jay,” Jeno says the first name he can come up with. Donghyuck stifles a laugh. “We heard the activity’s going to be done by threes, so we’re your partners now.”

The young boy looks at both of them, and then down to his shoes again before muttering something under his breath.

Donghyuck makes eye contact with Jeno. They both share the same confusion. “What was that?” Donghyuck carefully asks.

In a louder voice, the boy repeats, “I’m Jisung.”

“Okay, Jisung,” Donghyuck smiles. “You’re in high school?”

“Yes,” Jisung replies quietly. “Still in second year.”

“Oh,” Jeno voices out. “Anyway, I heard we’re painting a flower. What do you want to paint?”

There’s a pause. And then, “I kind of want to paint daisies.”

“That’s a cool choice, let’s go with daisies then,” Donghyuck says in support. “You can draw the base and we’ll help you out with the outline and the colors.”

Jisung picks up the pencil like he’s hesitating. He rests the tip of the lead on the paper, but he doesn’t move it. Jeno looks at him with worry, and from the corner of his eye, he sees Donghyuck looking the same.

“What’s wrong?” Donghyuck asks.

Jisung groans in frustration. “I can’t draw for shit..”

The curse word takes both Donghyuck and Jeno by surprise. Jisung is currently glaring daggers at the canvas.

“I’m sure you’re a great artist,” Donghyuck says.

“I’m not,” Jisung is quick to respond.

“Come on…” Donghyuck trails in a cheerful voice. “I mean, you’re here after all, so that means you have a driving passion—“

“Not really,” Jisung interjects, and then he blushes, looking away.

“What…” but the question dies on Donghyuck’s lips. Confusion is spread across his face.

Meanwhile, Jeno perfectly recognizes the expression Jisung has. He taps the younger guy’s shoulder and asks, “Which one?”

Donghyuck crosses his eyebrows. “What do you mean which one—“

Jisung quietly points at someone from the opposite side of the room, perfectly understanding the context of Jeno’s question. “Him.”

Jeno smiles as he follows Jisung’s finger. He chuckles to himself, reminded of how he once was, back when he was still in high school. “What’s with the daisy, then?”

Jisung shrugs as he slouches back his seat. “I saw Chenle looking at a few ones yesterday… I thought he might like them.”

“What’s he talking about?” Donghyuck asks Jeno.

Jeno just shrugs at Donghyuck before turning to Jisung. “You know, I’ve been in your situation before. I also joined an art class because I had a massive crush on someone.”

Donghyuck’s eyes widen. “Jisung is crush—“

Jisung’s hand immediately covers up Donghyuck’s mouth. “Please don’t let the room know!”

Jeno chuckles. “Anyway, Jisung,” the younger guy then turns back to him. “I, too, did not know anything about art. Not the technicalities, not even the basics. But, somehow, I managed to pass the class.”

Jisung raises an eyebrow at him. “Are you going to teach me the basics, then? Because I know them already, Miss Jeongyeon already discussed them.”

“God, no,” Jeno laughs. “I’m not the right person to teach you _anything_ about art, as a matter of fact. I just went through the same situation as you.”

“Huh,” Jisung wonders out loud. “How’d you do it, then? Art, I mean.”

Jeno sighs, and he doesn’t miss the thoughtful look Donghyuck is giving him. “One thing I learn from art, is that there’s no ultimate guidelines to follow. Sure, they teach you the basics and techniques, but in the end, it all comes down to you. And I figure that art comes out best when you share a part of your heart in it.”

Jisung is still looking at him in a confused manner.

“Think of it this way,” Jeno tells him. “Don’t just… draw a daisy for the sake of drawing a daisy. Draw a daisy because you want to brighten up Chenle’s day even just by letting him see a drawing of his favorite flower.”

“Huh…” Jisung trails, but he’s already picking his pencil. “But what if it turns out bad?”

“Whatever you put your heart into,” Jeno tells him. “Will never be bad. Your art is still art, and that in itself already makes it beautiful. What more if you share a part of you?”

Jisung seems to be encouraged with the wordsC because he then starts tracing the outlines of what seems like a crown of daisies. Jeno and Donghyuck help him out with the colors, and all along, Jeno is fully aware of the glances Donghyuck is giving him.

When Jeongyeon asks for a representative for each group to present their flower, Jisung is the one to stand up and present theirs. He shows their work and talks about how beautiful daisies are, and how they attract beautiful people as well. This causes Jeno to look at the “Chenle” guy that Jisung was talking about a while ago, and he’s happy to see that Chenle looks at both the artwork and Jisung fondly.

“Didn’t know you had those words with you, after all these years,” Donghyuck quietly tells him from beside him after Jisung’s presentation ends.

Jeno smiles to himself. “I learned that from you, though.”

Donghyuck crosses his eyebrows. “I never said those words.”

“Yeah,” Jeno replies to him. “But I felt them through you.”

The topic ends there, because Jisung returns to their corner with a big smile on his face. He wonders what Donghyuck would have responded to it, but for now, he’s just glad that he’s able to say all that.

It all surprisingly felt light.

(He hopes Donghyuck felt like that too.)

  
  
  
  


> **JENO**
> 
> I just tried all the ice cream flavors.

  
  
  
  


The session in the studio only lasts for an hour, but Donghyuck and Jeno took it upon themselves to invite and treat Jisung to lunch. They’ve grown a little bit attached to the teenager already, and have exchanged stories with him while they were in the session. Plus, the boy is more than delighted to agree with free McDonald’s.

It turns out Chenle’s group of friends also chose that fast food to eat their lunch at, and because Jisung is a blushing mess, he resorts to random conversation with Donghyuck and Jeno just to keep his cool.

“By the way, why are you dressed up like you’re going to rob a bank?” he asks Jeno at some point. “You know, when you first arrived, I was wary of you because I thought you’re going to threaten Miss Sana and Miss Jeongyeon.”

Donghyuck chuckles a bit before answering for Jeno. “He needs to keep on his disguise.”

“Ohhhh…” Jisung trails, still eyeing him. “But why does he need that _much_ disguise?”

This time, it’s Jeno who responds. “If I tell you a secret, will you promise not to tell anyone?”

Donghyuck looks alarmed. “Jen—“

“Of course!” Jisung beams.

Jeno pulls down his mask subtly and lifts his shades. It doesn’t come to Jisung at first, at least not after a few seconds. Soon enough, he stumbles and falls from his chair.

“Are you okay?!” Donghyuck immediately rushes to help him stand up. 

Jisung shakily returns to his seat, now staring at Jeno, who just returned in his “disguise”, still with a stunned expression. “You’re… You’re… You’re— You’re!”

Jeno laughs. “Yes.”

“Oh my god,” Jisung breathes out, staring at his empty plate. “This is… too much to process. But this is also so cool! I heard you’re filming! Is that why you’re here?” 

Jeno nods.

“That’s so awesome!” Jisung marvels. “I actually met _the_ Lee Jeno, and he treated me to lunch!”

“Well,” Jeno tells him. “You really reminded me of my younger self.”

“Was everything you told me a while ago true? Like, the crush one?”

“Yep.”

“Woah…”

The young guy is about to speak again when someone calls his name.

“Jisung?”

They all turn to the side to see who it is. Jeno can’t help but smirk, because standing there, in all his cute glory, is Chenle, and Jisung simply looks like he’s going to explode on the spot.

“Hi!” Jisung squeaks. Donghyuck coughs just to cover up his laugh.

“I… uh… just wanted to make sure you’re okay, since I saw you fell a while ago,” Chenle starts.

Jisung blushes furiously, probably thinking about the fact that Chenle is paying attention to him. 

“I’m fine, you don’t have to worry,” Jisung says quickly.

“Oh! That’s good to hear, then. Also,” Chenle adds. “If you want, we’re going to hang out by the empty yard just right outside the plaza later. You can come if you want, and if your hyungs want to come, they will be welcome.”

“Of course! Of course!” Jisung has the widest smile on his face.

“Great!” Chenle perks up. “See you, then!”

He bids all of them with a wave before returning to his own table.

Donghyuck, of course, immediately starts the teasing.

“Looks like someone’s getting a boyfriend soon,” Donghyuck singsongs. Jisung scowls at him, but his whole face is now red.

“He just invited me — us, rather — to hang out with them!” Jisung squeaks again.

“Sure thing,” Donghyuck teases. “Saw the way he looked at you, though. It’s the same way you were looking at him.”

Jisung buries his face in his hands. “Hyung!”

Jisung then changes the topic into high school, and asks the both of them to share a few stories. Jeno and Donghyuck both shared individual experiences for a while, until one of those mentioned the two of them were in the same high school together.

This makes Jisung squeal again.

“That makes so much sense!” he beams.

“How so?” Donghyuck asks him.

“Let me guess,” Jisung says instead. “You two are highschool sweethearts.”

Jeno almost chokes on the soda he was drinking.

Donghyuck, however, blinks at Jisung in shock. “What makes you think that?”

“Well,” Jisung smirks. “I figured your relationship must’ve started somewhere. Probably there.”

Jeno and Dongyhuck are quick to dismiss it. “We’re not dating!”

It’s Jisung’s turn to look shocked. “But why?”

“You mean,” Jeno begins. “Why did _you_ think we’re in a relationship?”

“To quote Donghyuck hyung a while ago,” Jisung begins smugly, pointing at Jeno. “Saw the way he looked at you, though. It’s the same way you were looking at him.”

Neither Jeno nor Donghyuck answers that. Lucky for them, Chenle arrives soon, telling them it’s time to go to the yard already.

And all the while, all Jeno can think about is Jisung’s words.

_Saw the way he looked at you, though. It’s the same way you were looking at him._

Just like lately, Jeno’s heart races. But it’s only today that he encounters the good kind. 

  
  
  
  


> Jeno laughs.
> 
> **JENO**
> 
> Careful. You might fall for me.
> 
> Donghyuck sneers as he pushes him away.
> 
> **DONGHYUCK**
> 
> I don’t think so.

  
  
  
  


Per Jisung’s insistence, Donghyuck and Jeno join the other teens at a nearby empty yard to play an outdoor game.

One girl from their class, Yujin, explains the entire game to them. Apparently, there’s two teams. In every round, one team will serve as the defense and the other will be the offense. There’s a field drawn by chalk on the ground, and the entire thing looks like a rectangle divided into regions. Each player from the defense team will guard and try to tag the people from the offense team, but they can only move along their assigned lines. The offense team’s job is to get pass through all of them and then get back to the starting point without being tagged.

Somebody from the crowd suggests that Jeno and Donghyuck be the leaders of the opposing teams.

“But they look conspicuous, though,” one of them says, pointing at Jeno. “How are they going to move freely with all those things they’re wearing?”

Jisung turns to Jeno with a helpless look, and Jeno makes a decision.

He clears his throat and speaks. “Hey, do you mind if I tell you guys a secret?”

They all look at each other, shrugging.

“Jen,” Donghyuck calls from beside him. “What are you doing?”

It’s another way of asking, _are you sure about what you’re about to do?_

“Yeah, don’t worry,” Jeno assures him.

“I guess…” he hears Yujin say as a reply to his statement a while ago.

“Well then, I promise to play with you,” Jeno begins, and then he takes off his mask and glasses. “Only if you promise to keep my presence here a secret.”

There’s a collective gasp from the crowd (except for Donghyuck and Jisung who already knew about him), and they all immediately agreed, bouncing on their feet with excitement as they think about playing with _the_ Lee Jeno.

They all agree to let Jeno and Donghyuck, the only adults in their humble little group, to be the team captains. Chenle ends up in Jeno’s team and Jisung ends up in Donghyuck’s.

The first game goes by smoothly, with Donghyuck’s team playing defense and Jeno’s team pursuing the offense. At some point, Jeno spots Jisung reaching out to tag Chenle and then ending up crashing on the ground on top of the other boy. Still, with Jeno’s quickness, they manage to win that round with three survivors.

For the next game, Jeno’s team is playing defense. Jeno’s assigned to guard the line at the very back to avoid people from being able to cross it. It’s a wise move, because the other team’s strongest player (read: Donghyuck) gets caught before he could even pass through, thanks to Jeno’s agility.

However, as soon as Jeno captures Donghyuck, he falls backward to the ground, dragging Donghyuck with him, and soon enough, other people from Donghyuck’s team are able to pass through because Donghyuck is purposely keeping Jeno on the ground. Donghyuck’s team wins with three survivors as well.

For the tie breaker rematch, they flip a coin to decide on who chooses the place. Donghyuck wins and picks offense. 

“You’re going down, Zhong Chenle!” Jisung yells from the starting line.

Chenle, who's assigned at one of the middle lines, only laughs. “We’ll see about that, Park Jisung!”

Jeno, who’s now assigned in the first row, catches Donghyuck’s eye. “Good luck, Hyuck.”

Donghyuck winks. “Right back at you, Jen.”

The game is simple. If at least one from Donghyuck’s team manages to get back to the starting line, then they win. Otherwise, Jeno’s team wins. At the very beginning of the final game, Jeno’s already managed to capture two. Soon enough, the numbers of the people getting tagged in Donghyuck’s team is increasing.

“We might actually win!” Chenle yells from the middle after celebrating his capture of Park Jisung.

Indeed, they just might. Jeno is the last stop, because the offense players need to go back to the starting line and pass through the defense team once again. From what Jeno can see, Donghyuck is the only one left, and he’s heading straight to the open space beside Jeno.

Now, Jeno notices this quickly. His reflexes are quick, and he can easily block it. Though, ever so subtly, Jeno waits for a second before reaching out to block Donghyuck’s path. But, by the time he does that, Donghyuck has already crossed the line, indicating that they won, and everybody in their team is now cheering.

Jeno consoles his teammates, telling them that they all did well. And he’s doing all of these all the while looking at Donghyuck who’s smiling so wide and carefree that Jeno’s heart soars from the mere sight of it. 

Chenle doesn’t miss this. “You know, Jeno hyung,” he starts. “If I wasn’t watching you carefully, I would’ve missed it.”

Jeno raises his eyebrow in an attempt to look innocent. “Miss what?”

Chenle crosses his arms. “That you let Donghyuck hyung win.”

Jeno only laughs and ruffles Chenle’s hair, not really answering his statement. Instead, he turns to look at a beaming, bright Donghyuck again, and he smiles. It’s the sight of _that_ that makes Jeno happy, that makes him triumphant.

_I let him win,_ Jeno admits to himself. _But seeing him that happy, it feels like I, myself, won too._

  
  
  
  
  


> **DONGHYUCK**
> 
> I love you. I love you I love you I love you.

  
  
  
  


Just like the bus ride a while ago, they sat beside each other. Only this time, there were other vacant seats, and still, they chose the couple ones at the back, with Donghyuck by the window and Jeno right beside him.

Just like the bus ride a while ago, nobody was talking. Only this time, there’s no awkwardness hanging around. It’s a mixture of the old security that they were both once familiar with, and a newfound comfort that has started to bloom just a while ago.

Just like the bus ride a while ago, Donghyuck pulls out his earphones. Only this time, he puts one bud on his ear, and the other on Jeno’s.

Sometime during the ride, Donghyuck’s head lightly hits the window, courtesy of his drowsiness, and Jeno guides his head on his shoulder, and Donghyuck doesn’t resist. In fact, he moves a little bit closer, let’s Jeno hold and steady him, and relaxes in his embrace.

The music in their ears isn’t the only thing they’re sharing that time. They share the rhythm of their breaths, the space hugging them, the sync of their heartbeats, and the memories, both old and new, that bring them solace -- and bring them together.

  
  
  
  


> Jeno kisses Donghyuck’s forehead.
> 
> **JENO**
> 
> Are you really sure about this?
> 
> Donghyuck places his lips on Jeno’s and smiles.
> 
> **DONGHYUCK**
> 
> More than.
> 
> Fade to black.

  
  
  
  


It’s probably another funny coincidence that the hotel Donghyuck stays at is also the one where Jeno and Mark are residing. The entire crew doesn’t stay in one place -- he knows Yeeun and the other cast members are probably in different hotels.

Still, Jeno thanks that funny coincidence.

After the bus ride, Jeno offers to walk Donghyuck to his room, since Jeno’s room is near his anyway.

So there they are, standing by the doorway of Donghyuck’s room. Jeno’s by the hallway, his hands on his pockets as he tries to think of what to say.

Donghyuck beats him to it. “Thank you,” he says.

Jeno pulls down his mask so he can send Donghyuck a smile. “Of course.”

“I had fun today,” Donghyuck adds. “I really did. It’s… nice to have your company again.”

Jeno’s smile only grows wider. “Me too.”

There’s another round of silence, but it breathes through them with comfort instead of the usual awkwardness Jeno’s getting used to these past few days. He knows it’s late, and they’re both exhausted, and there’s still filming to be done tomorrow and they need to rest. Plus, he already texted Mark that he’s on his way.

So, he says, “See you tomorrow. Good night,” and then, he adds. “Hyuckie.”

Donghyuck doesn’t seem bothered about this. In fact, he grins and returns the greeting. “See you too, good night!”

Jeno gives him a small nod and wave before starting to walk away.

“Wait!” he hears just right after he faces the aisle of the corridor.

He turns his head and sees half of Donghyuck’s body poking out of his room. The light in the hallway is faint, but Jeno doesn’t miss the blush on the other guy’s cheek.

Then, in an all too familiar manner, Donghyuck says, “You’re all of the colors combined, Lee Jeno.”

With that, he quickly retreats back to his room and closes his door, before Jeno can even formulate a response.

Jeno’s left there standing alone, still trying to process what he just heard. He’s expecting his heart to leap out of his chest, to feel like it’s soaring, to seem like it’s beating non-stop. 

He doesn’t feel any of that. What he feels is calm and serenity, and a sense of security like coming back home to something. His heart feels peace.

It’s the same type of peace he felt years ago, in the back of an art classroom where he first gave his heart away.

And as he makes his way to his own room, he realizes, still with the peace he’s carrying, that he never really got it back.

It’s still with the same person.

  
  
  
  


> **JENO**
> 
> What’s your favorite color?
> 
> **DONGHYUCK**
> 
> You.

  
  
  
  


For the first time after how many days, Jeno wakes up in the morning feeling light.

It’s also pretty early when he does so, and that leads him to taking extra time to dress himself up that day. Granted, the stylists would still make him change his attire when he has to shoot, but you can never go wrong with a nice outfit to go and leave work with.

Mark doesn’t point this out, mainly because he can’t. He’s still snoring on his bed, phone clutched in his hands like he fell asleep while using it, and Jeno’s sure that if he were awake right now, he’d notice the sudden shift in Jeno’s behavior.

Jeno leaves him a text that tells him he went to the set first before leaving the room. He briefly passes by Donghyuck’s room and he contemplates knocking, but then decides against it just in case the other guy is just like Mark — still deep in slumber. He books an uber and goes to the farm where they will be shooting at.

There’s not many people in the location yet. Baekhyun isn’t even there yet. Though, a few of the technical crew, mostly the ones responsible for lighting are already almost complete.

But Jeno is most of all surprised to see Yeeun there. He sends her a polite wave when their eyes meet. Yeeun then mentions him to come over where she’s lounging.

“You’re early,” Jeno is the first to speak.

Yeeun snickers. “I’m always early. You’re just not early enough to know that.”

“Early enough,” Jeno repeats in a teasing manner. “Just say I’m always late, don’t sugarcoat it.”

“Not really late, more like right on time,” Yeeun clarifies. “But still, never early, I guess. What’s up with you?”

Jeno can’t help the grin that spreads on his face.

Yeeun doesn’t miss it. It’s not like Jeno’s trying to be subtle about it anyway. “Hey,” she says in a teasing tone. “Be honest to me. Did you, like, have sex last nig—“

“What? No, Yeeun! No!” he quickly defends and as soon as he does that, Yeeun hollers in laughter. “I…”

After recovering from her laughter and trying to catch her breath, Yeeun urges him to go on.

However, Jeno thinks of something else. His face lights up at the idea, causing Yeeun to look at him with a confused stare. “Did I just give you the idea to have sex with someone—“

“Hey,” Jeno interrupts her before she can go any further. “I’m going out. I’ll go buy something at that nearby bookstore I saw.”

Yeeun now looks at him incredulously. “You are _what?_ Hello? You’re not allowed to leave!”

Jeno shrugs. “I left quite a number of times already while on set actually.”

Yeeun gasps and then whines softly. “Damn, you’re lucky. I’m the main character so they need me everywhere.”

Jeno laughs at that. “Come with me then.”

“What?”

“Hey, don’t look at me like that! I’m helping you out,” Jeno says. “Besides, it’s pretty early. I thought I overheard you talking to Chaeyeon once about making a present for Elkie—“

At the mention of the name, Yeeun’s face flushes and she immediately stands up. “Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, I’ll come with you to wherever you’re going.”

Jeno laughs. “Your face is red. Is it because I mentioned Elkie—“

“Shut up!” She hisses. “Wait, let me just get my mask, cap, and shades.”

Jeno lets her do that and waits, the grin not leaving his face as he nurtures the idea in his head, thinking (believing) that it’s the best one he had yet for years.

  
  
  
  


> **DONGHYUCK**
> 
> You’re going to be the biggest star, Jen!

  
  
  
  


“Art supplies?” Yeeun asks as she sees the contents of the paperbag the cashier hands Jeno back. “What, are you making your own webtoon now?”

Jeno regards her own pile. “I mean… I don’t think you’re in the position to judge my things. You look like you have Michelangelo’s entire desk items with you—“

“Okay, okay, I get it!” Yeeun groans as Jeno laughs. They greet the cashier and the security guard politely on their way.

As they step out of the shop, Yeeun freezes. Jeno frowns at her as she frantically looks around.

“Is something the matter?” he asks with concern.

Yeeun takes a deep breath. “Didn’t you hear that?”

“No,” Jeno trails, but he’s starting to get worried. “Let’s hurry back.”

Yeeun quickly agrees by picking up her pace.

Jeno, now wary, follows suit.

Surely, nothing bad will happen...

...Right?

  
  
  
  


> **DONGHYUCK**
> 
> Don’t let them change you.

  
  
  
  


Jeno is surprised to see Mark when he and Yeeun return. It’s not because his friend is quick to get there already even though Jeno left him a while ago fast asleep. It’s because Mark looks like the weight of the world has crashed upon him.

Jeno wonders if it has anything to do with Renjun. Or maybe Jaemin.

“Hey, Mark,” Yeeun is the first to greet. She awkwardly points to where the other managers are. “Elkie and the others—“

“Yes, yes,” Mark tells her through a practiced smile. “We have been… discussing things. I’m supposed to be the one waiting for the both of you.”

Yeeun crosses her eyebrows. “Why are you waiting for us?”

Mark hesitates as he gives Jeno a careful look. Jeno knows his friend too much to know what it means. Although he might not be able to receive the specific message, he still knows the gist of what Mark’s trying to convey.

He’s already expecting the worst when Mark hands Yeeun his phone and Jeno scoots a little bit closer to her to get a better look at what's on the screen.

“Damn…” Yeeun curses as she checks the screen.

“They’re quick,” Jeno mutters. “Really quick.”

What spiraled as a normal picture that a fan took of them ended up as the thumbnail of another article from a verified celebrity news account on twitter. Yeeun laughs at the incredulity of the title, and Jeno almost does so too.

_“Fans spot co-stars Lee Jeno and Jang Yeeun out on a date while filming!”_

“Is this serious?” Yeeun asks, even though the three of them know the answer already.

“Yeah,” Mark tells her, just so the answer is out there. Jeno sees Yeeun glancing to where the other managers are, and he notices her looking at once certain person in concern.

“You know this isn’t real, right?” Jeno tells him. “This is the first time that we went out together, and it’s not even for whatever reason those outlets are coming up with now.”

Mark raises an eyebrow at him. “Of course I don’t believe it. None of the crew, at least. We all know you’re simply good acquaintances with a great work chemistry and relationship. But we can’t exactly tell the public that now, can we?”

None of them answer.

“Hey,” he hears someone call. They turn to see Elkie from beside them. He senses Yeeun tense up. “They want to talk to you?”

_“They?”_ Yeeun asks carefully.

“Baekhyun and the rest,” Elkie tells them. He sees Yeeun trying to catch the other girl’s eye, but Elkie pointedly ignores her. Jeno doesn’t understand that. Even Mark’s grim expression. If they knew it isn’t true, and that Jeno and Yeeun were out for a pretty harmless reason, then why are they looking like the both of them are doomed?

Perhaps it’s because they went out alone without any staff accompanying them. Jeno feels guilty, knowing he’s now responsible for Yeeun, having persuaded her in the first place to come with him.

Yeeun then asks, “Wait, like the entire staff? Everybody’s there already?”

“Well,” Mark is the one who replies, still giving Jeno a certain look. “Everybody leading.”

_Shit._

Jeno’s heart sinks.

_Donghyuck._

  
  
  
  


> Jeno lets out a frustrated sigh.
> 
> **JENO**
> 
> Can’t you at least understand where I’m coming from.
> 
> Donghyuck turns to the other side.
> 
> **DONGHYUCK**
> 
> Can’t you see I’m trying?

  
  
  
  


Donghyuck is preoccupied with his sketchbook at one of the corners of the room, pointedly ignoring what’s happening at the center of the room.

That’s the only thing Jeno can observe, because he’s currently supposed to be engaging in this “conversation” with Baekhyun, Yeeun, and the rest of the higher staff.

Baekhyun doesn’t seem to be angry. Not with the article or with the fact that his two most important stars sneaked out. He’s rather amused, actually, and Jeno has mixed feelings about it.

“Actually,” he says to them at some point. “It… actually boosts the talk about your show.”

“Really?” Jeno asks.

“Yeah,” Baekhyun responds. “I already contacted your agencies, they’re ready to deny the rumor if you want, but even they agree that this can actually help with the anticipation of the show.”

None of them speaks for a while, at least not until Yeeun bursts out laughing.

“What, you want us to fake-date?” Yeeun asks.

Baekhyun shakes his head quickly. “No, no, definitely no.”

Jeno crosses his eyebrows. “Then what do you want us to do?”

“Nothing,” Baekhyun simply tells them.

They both blink at him.

“Pardon?” Yeeun asks for the both of them.

“Do nothing,” Baekhyun says. “Pretend like it never happened. Go on with the shooting as it is. You can go… visit bookstores still, if you want, and just do nothing.”

“Huh…” Jeno voices out loud. He meets Mark’s eye. His friend only shrugs.

“Well,” Baekhyun tells them. “It would appear like a tease. Your agencies stay silent, you guys will not talk about it, and the dating rumor will just spiral on its own. We wouldn’t encourage this had it not received positive feedback. You know… you’re actors, after all.”

Jeno knows Baekhyun’s right. The fanbase of an actor and an idol is different — if Jaemin was the one in his position right now, this would be handled differently. 

“So just at least until the first few episodes are aired,” Baekhyun adds. “We can tease them with this. But not by intentionally doing it. And I promise the both of you that once it gets out of hand, we’ll immediately shut the rumor down. It’s what Miss Joohyun suggested and we all agreed.”

Jeno sighs. Mark’s not looking at him anymore, because he knows this one is Jeno’s call. Jeno turns to Yeeun, who’s staring at Elkie, who’s looking pretty indifferent about the entire situation. His heart aches for Yeeun.

That is probably the reason why Yeeun says, “I’m in,” in a voice Jeno hears is so carefully said that he knows Yeeun’s acting. “I have no problems with it.”

Jeno purses his lips. 

“I mean,” Yeeun adds, then turns to him with pleading eyes. “It wouldn’t hurt, right?”

He looks at her for a short while, trying to find traces of hurt that she’s trying to mask. When he sees a glint in her eye, he sighs. “Yeah, yeah, of course,” he agrees.

“Cool!” Baekhyun beams. “I’ll inform your agencies right away. Oh, and we’ll resume shooting in thirty minutes. We’ll just fix the set.”

After he says that, Jeno immediately turns to where Donghyuck is seated, and his heart sinks once more when he meets the other guy’s eyes almost instantly. Donghyuck quickly looks away, a complete contrast to yesterday.

“That’s all,” Baekhyun tells them. “Let’s move on!”

Donghyuck is the first to leave the room.

  
  
  
  
  
  


> **JENO**
> 
> Let’s end this, Hyuck.

  
  
  
  


Donghyuck is purposely ignoring him again, like he knows Jeno’s coming to find him. This frustrates, Jeno even more. He doesn’t even know what he wants to talk to Donghyuck about, he just knows he _has_ to.

Fortunately for him, he finds the opportunity to talk to Donghyuck again during Yeeun’s filming of a scene that doesn’t involve his character. Ironically, Donghyuck is sitting by the water dispenser near the makeshift food hall they made. Last time, Jeno’s the one there. This time, he’s the one approaching.

Before Donghyuck can even slip away, Jeno is already in front of him.

The eye contact they make is brief because Donghyuck quickly looks away. “I have to go—“

“Hyuck…” Jeno sounds like he’s pleading.

Donghyuck pauses and sighs. “What?” he says, but he still doesn’t look at Jeno.

“I… I don’t like Yeeun. And she doesn’t like me. Trust me.”

Donghyuck raises an eyebrow. “Of course I know that. Everybody in the set knows Yeeun’s head over heels for Elkie. I just…” he shakes his head after a while. “Nevermind.”

“Then why are you avoiding me again?” Jeno’s voice sounds like it’s going to break. He feels like he’s holding on to grains of sand quickly slipping away from his fingers. “We were getting along so well yesterday, and I thought—“

“I don’t _care_ about your dating rumors, Jeno,” Donghyuck snaps. “I don’t care if you were spotted with Yeeun or Chaeyeon or Han of anyone from the cast.”

“Then…” Jeno repeats in a much more broken voice, still confused. He’s thankful that there’s no other people along the area other than them, but because of that he’s already feeling the loneliness sink in. “Then why, Hyuck?”

“Because it’s all sinking in, Jen,” Donghyuck tells him. “It’s all sinking in that you’re an actor now, an actual actor now, and I’m happy for you, but this is bringing me back to square one and I’m not having any of it.”

“Hyuck…” Jeno tries, but Donghyuck is already shaking his head.

“We… we fell apart because you said it wouldn’t work, remember? You said we’re no longer working—“

“That was before—“

“And it’s still imprinted here!” Donghyuck says, pointing at his chest. “It doesn’t matter how long it’s been because it’s still imprinted here!”

“Hyuck… that’s… that’s not me anymore…”

“Exactly, Jen,” Donghyuck’s voice starts to crack. “I don’t know… _you,_ anymore. I don’t know who you are. All I know about you is immortalized in those drawings and dialogues — and I know you’re more than that, but I still don’t know how!”

Jeno falls silent, not really knowing how to answer.

“You know, when the picture went viral, I found it funny at first. But Baekhyun called for all of us, and I heard him say something along the lines like ‘Jeno’s a great actor. He can convince or deceive anyone if he wants to.’ And that’s when it hit me that yesterday—“

Donghyuck takes a deep breath, his voice now shaking. “Yesterday can’t make up for all the times I cried, for all the times I worked so hard to get out of _that_ state, for all the lessons I had to learn. You— you broke my heart, Jen. And I broke yours too, I know. For being selfish that time. And we were both young and have a lot to learn that time, but who’s to say we changed from back then? I just…”

Jeno can’t even say anything that counters Donghyuck’s statements, because he knows every single one of them is true. 

“I just don’t want to go through all of that again, Jen. I worked so hard to get where I am. And yesterday… yesterday was amazing, but it feels more like an illusion that I’m not supposed to hold on to. It feels like a faraway memory. And that article that came out, that article that reminded me that you were _the_ Lee Jeno, someone the whole world knows but somehow, in some way, I don’t know who, is the slap back to reality that I needed. That we’re here because we fell apart. And I don’t… I don’t know you now, Jeno. You feel like a memory that I can’t fit in my mind. And I don’t… I don’t want to lose this progress.”

Jeno remains silent.

“But the thing is,” Donghyuck adds after a few more heartbeats. “You come back, even just for a fleeting moment, and I go crashing back down. I thought I could do it, that it wouldn’t be the case, but it’s _too_ hard, Jen. And yesterday was a definite proof of that. That… that I’d still… I’d still come back to you. But I don’t know you. And for all I know, yesterday is just an act—“

“It’s not, Hyuck—“

“But how would I know it’s not, Jen?” Donghyuck is now trembling. “How would I know it’s not?”

_Trust me,_ Jeno wants to say. _Believe me,_ Jeno wants to scream. But he knows he doesn’t have the right to say any of those.

“I…” Donghyuck lets out a shaky laugh. “I am too susceptible to letting my heart get broken again when it comes to you. I’m… I… You’re a memory, Lee Jeno. I think it’s better you stay that way. I can’t—I can’t keep choosing you every time you barge into my life.”

Jeno’s head is spinning. There’s too much to comprehend that he doesn’t have the right words to say.

Still, even though his entire head is ringing, he responds with a small, “I’m sorry.”

Donghyuck doesn’t say anything after that. He clears his throat, excuses himself under his breath, and then leaves.

Jeno doesn’t stop him from walking away.

And neither does he stop the tears slipping also.

  
  
  
  


> **YUKHEI**
> 
> Do you still want him back?
> 
> Donghyuck looks away instead.

  
  
  
  


Needless to say, they return back to how they were when they first met again.

Donghyuck, as much as possible, ignores him, and is only talking to him when it’s about work. He mostly does this when another staff is around. He never talks to Jeno alone.

It doesn’t stop, even after they fly back to Seoul.

It’s like being back to square one again.

Somehow, it’s more unbearable this time around.

  
  
  
  


> **YUKHEI**
> 
> Don’t let him stop you from becoming great.

  
  
  
  


Jeno stares at the painting materials he bought with Yeeun that started this in the first place. He doesn’t have the heart to throw it away, not when he doesn’t really want to do it.

Jaemin has been asking him about it for days, but he tells his friend that he still needs it.

He thinks about the idea that came to his mind which was actually the reason why he bought these things.

He thinks about it even more, and eventually decides to act upon it.

He picks up the items.

  
  
  
  


> Donghyuck whispers to the night.
> 
> **DONGHYUCK**
> 
> I miss you.

  
  
  
  


When Jaemin returns to their room that night, he sees Jeno by the corner of the room, drawing.

  
  
  


> **DONGHYUCK**
> 
> I really, really miss you.

  
  
  
  


Jaemin’s call to Jeno arrives just in time like he expected. It’s also the same day that Mark confessed to the two of them that he’s starting to have feelings for Renjun.

Jaemin invites Jeno to drink. Jeno agrees.

“This sucks…” Jaemin drones after downing his next shot. Jeno doesn’t drink any alcohol, knowing he has to be sober to be able to take care of his friend.

“I know,” Jeno responds genuinely.

Jaemin pulls out his phone and stares at his lock screen. It’s a picture of him and Renjun with one of the plushies Jaemin got him, both of them beaming at the camera. Jaemin smiles fondly as he lets out a defeated sigh. “I love him…” he sees a tear slipping out of Jaemin’s eye. “ _God,_ this is what I get for falling for someone who’s too good to be true. It… it hurts.”

A series of memories flashes through Jeno’s mind, and they all bear the same person that Jeno couldn’t get rid of from his heart, no matter what.

“I know,” Jeno tells Jaemin, and himself.

  
  
  
  


> **DONGHYUCK**
> 
> It’s for him again, Yukhei. You know that already, why bother asking?

  
  
  
  


Jeno finishes the drawings just in time.

  
  
  
  


> **DONGHYUCK**
> 
> When will I let you go?

  
  
  
  


“Are you sure?” Miss Joohyun asks him.

Jeno has never been more certain in his life. “Yes.”

Miss Joohyun, like always, gives him an understanding smile. “Great. Consider it done soon.”

  
  
  
  


> **DONGHYUCK**
> 
> Is it bad to ask for a second chance?

  
  
  
  


Jeno initially isn’t going to force Jaemin to be his plus one, but his friend insists so.

“I’m not going to leave you alone, my friend,” Jaemin tells him. “Just because Renjun is Mark’s plus one doesn’t mean I should back out from my promise of becoming yours. We’ll just be two single dudes vibing in a private showcase party.” He then points at the notepad on Jeno’s bed. “Plus, you’ll look crazy bringing that large notebook alone.”

Still, when they reach the party, Jeno ends up alone at some point.

It’s a small formal get together for another successful production of what’s being anticipated as a hit drama. Cast and crew are allowed to bring a plus one, and Jeno thinks that made everything look like a grand gala.

(Jeno does look a bit out of place carrying the large notebook around, as Jaemin frequently points out.)

After dinner and before certain people will have to give out speeches, there is an interlude in the form of a slow, romantic melody playing in the entire area. It became a cue for a couple of people to start slow dancing in the middle.

When Mark and Renjun start to slow dance as well, Jeno turns to check on Jaemin only to find his friend already looking at them with defeat in his eyes.

“Jaem,” Jeno tells him. “Go home.”

“It’s okay,” Jaemin replies through a forced smile, his voice thick. “I’m okay.”

“Jaemin, please,” Jeno says, unable to stand his friend looking hurt. Sure, Jaemin needs to get used to this, but not now, Jeno thinks. “I’ll be fine. Come on, let’s call an uber.”

He hears Jaemin sniff a little bit. “Yeah, yeah,” his friend says, quickly tearing his gaze away from the other two. “I’ll-- I’ll go first.”

Jeno accompanies Jaemin outside until the uber they called for him arrives. Jaemin tells him to enjoy, and just before his friend closes the door, Jeno swears he saw a tear slip from Jaemin’s eye.

He intends to go back to their table when he gets back inside, but he freezes in his tracks when he sees someone by the hallway leading to the main room.

Donghyuck is just as surprised to see him there. Jeno can tell, because it reflects in his face.

Before Donghyuck can even turn his back on him, Jeno calls. “Hey, wait,”

He hears a sharp intake of breath, and he’s not sure if it’s from him or from Donghyuck.

“Do you need anything?” That’s from Donghyuck.

“No--wait, I mean…” Jeno stumbles upon his own words. He glances at the notebook he’s been holding. They’re alone in the hallway now, and he doesn’t know when the next time he’ll see Donghyuck, so Jeno thinks it’s now or never. “I have something for you.”

That seems to catch Donghyuck’s curiosity. Slowly, he turns his head to look at Jeno and meets his eyes. There’s a lot of messages in them that Jeno doesn’t know which to read first.

He wills himself to stay steady, and after taking a deep breath, he hands Donghyuck the notebook.

The other guy doesn’t take it yet, just looks at it and then back to Jeno. “What is this?”

“I…” Jeno doesn’t have a definite answer. He doesn’t really know what else to reply, so he just says what he feels. “I know you don’t want anything to do with me anymore, and that’s fine. I completely respect that. And you can do whatever you want with this, but for now, I’m giving it to you.”

Donghyuck hesitantly takes the notebook from Jeno’s hands.

“They’re… my drawings...” Jeno continues. “It’s because of you that I started to love painting, even though I never really expected that to happen. And after reading your story, after what you went through, I just want you to know that I never saw you as something you’re less than who you really are. It’s my mistake to not have enough faith with what we had, because I was scared distance is going to make you realize that you’re better off without me. I was young and insecure, and those were the excuses I kept convincing myself to justify my actions. It was wrong.”

Donghyuck is still silent, but he lets Jeno know that he’s paying attention.

“And you were right about everything you said that time,” Jeno says. “And I know you’re doing well with moving forward. You’re strong, you’re growing, and you’re becoming a better person with each passing day. I… I want to get there too. You can ignore that, or even throw it away, but if I’m moving forward, I’m going to have to give that to you.”

The air is heavy around them, like there’s something else mixed with it.

“Initially, I was supposed to make that in the hopes of holding on, now I just know that it’s what I have to let go,” Jeno gives him a small smile. “Because these frames still hold your name, and they always will.”

Donghyuck still doesn’t respond. It’s the one time Jeno’s thankful he doesn’t, because he knows if Donghyuck says something, if he says anything, he’ll lose his composure.

With a final, genuine, sad, smile, something countless years of acting can never recreate, he nods his head and says, “Thank you. And I’m sorry.”

With that, he walks past Donghyuck.

And with every willpower he has left, he forces himself not to look back.

  
  
  
  


> Donghyuck heaves a heavy sigh.
> 
> **DONGHYUCK**
> 
> It’s time to let go.

  
  
  
  


“What are in those, anyway?” Jaemin asks one day, after Jeno tells him about his encounter with Donghyuck.

Jeno takes his time in replying.

“Memories,” he finally responds. “I drew memories.”

  
  
  
  


> Donghyuck smiles to the camera, walks away, and doesn’t look back.

  
  
  
  


_“Just before the airing of the show, NCT Entertainment finally gives light to the rumor that once spread out about Jang Yeeun and Lee Jeno’s hinted relationship. CEO Bae Joohyun denies that the two co-stars are dating.”_

_“Furthermore, actor Lee Jeno states that during those times where the rumor is being spread out, his heart is actually with someone else. And that_ that _one is not an act, not at all. It’s every bit real.”_

_“No other statements are released after that. Nevertheless, fans still sent out positive and heartwarming responses.”_

  
  
  
  


> **JENO**
> 
> Hyuckie, I’ll ever trade you for anything else in the world.

  
  
  
  


As expected, the drama is a hit.

If people only knew his name before, then after the drama, they now _adore_ him. 

The drama itself gained a lot of recognition. It came out alongside other romance ones, but the difference was that Jeno’s drama didn’t end with the main characters ending up together. Somehow, they got more praised because of that -- because of how the story felt real.

Other than that, they also left him supportive messages, mostly because of the statement that the agency released about his and Yeeun’s rumors.

(His self-insert fanfictions also increased in number, and Jaemin makes sure he’s updated with that. Jeno lets his friend do it, just because he knows he’s using it to distract himself with whatever budding romance was happening between Mark and Renjun.)

Mark invites them all to a vacation on the other side of the country, but he mostly did that just to show the nice farm to Renjun. Jeno joins in support, and Jaemin joins because Jeno is there.

“I need to get used to it,” Jaemin keeps telling him, even though Jeno knows he’s saying it to convince himself. “Plus, bonding time with my best friend! How can I miss that?”

He says all that in a higher pitch than usual and then takes a selfie of him and Jeno to post on instagram.

Needless to say, his post got Jisung sending him a direct message excitedly, asking if he was in town. When he confirms this, Jisung says that they should hang out sometime while he’s there, and Jeno immediately agrees.

He doesn’t expect _soon_ to come by as quickly as the next day. Jaemin jokingly whines for a little bit about Jeno leaving him behind with Mark and Renjun, but thankfully for him, the two seem to have other plans so he’s not obligated to “tag along”.

Jisung agrees to meet Jeno by the bus station, because as soon as he steps down from the vehicle, the younger guy is waving at him enthusiastically.

“Hyung!” he beams. “I watched the drama, you were _so_ good!”

He ruffles the younger guy’s hair. “Thanks.”

“Chenle thinks you were pretty awesome too,” Jisung tells him. “He’s now a big fan of you.”

“Please don’t tell me he’s one of those people writing self-insert fanfictions about me.”

Jisung laughs. “He would never! Though, we might’ve come across some --”

“Okay, okay, stop talking,” but Jeno is smiling, even though his mask conceals it. And then, he adds, “I’m glad you and Chenle are getting along now.”

Jisung blushes and swats his arm in the air. “Come on, hyung!”

“Where to?” Jeno asks as he follows Jisung.

“To the studio!” Jisung answers brightly.

Jeno tilts his head to the side. “The studio?”

“Yeah!” He sees Jisung smirk. “Where else is a better place to hang out?”

Jeno shrugs and decides not to question it.

Sana greets them warmly by the counter when they enter. Jeno’s about to pay his entrance fee but Jisung, for some odd reason, tells him everything is settled and drags Jeno with him inside. Jeongyeon is already walking around the room, supervising the people’s paintings. Jisung finds his place next to Chenle, and Jeno’s left standing awkwardly in one side of the room.

Jeongyeon notices this and approaches him with a smile. “Hi!” she greets warmly. “You’re here to draw too, right?”

Jeno glances at Jisung who’s now observing Chenle’s strokes with a fond expression.

“I guess so,” he answers. “Is the activity in pairs?”

“Yes,” Jeongyeon responds, gesturing to the people around them. She then points at a vacant seat. “You can pair up with that young man there!”

“Oh,” Jeno says. “Okay. Thank you.”

Jeongyeon then moves on to the other pairs while Jeno makes his way to the spot she pointed at. The person he’s supposed to work with has their nose buried in what seems like a manual, but they still scoot over when they hear Jeno’s footsteps approaching. Jeno awkwardly takes the seat beside them.

He’s about to greet them when the art on the canvas in front of him caught his attention. Jeno freezes. It’s an all too familiar scene.

The afternoon sun gives the entire thing an orange tint. He can see familiar faces like Jisung and Chenle from the background, but most of all, he sees two particular figures standing out in the middle. One of the people has their arms wrapped around the other, their faces painted with laughs as the art portrays them like they’re about to fall to the ground.

Jeno knows this all too well. It’s the scene by the empty yard, the one that took place when he first came here -- when both Jeno and Donghyuck got lost and ended up here.

And Jeno knows that those two people in the drawing are no other than them.

However, Jeno notes the difference in the setting. It’s still clear in his memory -- he was the one who had his arms wrapped around Donghyuck, and he was pretty sure they were falling backward that time.

In the drawing, however, it’s Donghyuck who has his arms around Jeno and they’re falling forward.

The person beside him puts down the manual they were holding and turns to Jeno.

His breath gets caught in his throat.

Donghyuck smiles at him. “Hi.”

Jeno is too stunned to speak. “Uh…”

Donghyuck then laughs. “Really? Is this how you greet me? _Uh…”_

Again, Jeno is still too surprised to react in any kind.

From in front, Jeongyeon addresses everybody. “So!” she beams. “Remember, today’s theme is liberty! So feel free to create anything. Yes, Yujin darling, you’re doing great. Keep up the good work everyone!”

  
  


Jeno is still unable to comprehend what was happening. “What…”

Donghyuck chuckles from beside him. “Heard from Jisung that you’re in town. I thought it’d be nice to meet up.”

Jeno pulls down his mask. “Hyuck…” he breathes out, because it’s all he can say.

“Remember when I told you I draw memories when I’m blanking out?” Donghyuck asks instead. “I thought about what you told Jisung that time. About how there’s heart in every part you make. And then there was that night that you told me that… that I’m in every frame of that notebook you gave me… and…”

Jeno’s heart doesn’t start pounding loudly. Jeno’s heart doesn’t do backflips. Jeno’s heart doesn’t scream.

Instead, Jeno’s heart feels calm. Jeno’s heart feels at peace. Jeno’s heart feels like it’s coming home, after how long.

“And… you’re still in every frame I make too,” Donghyuck tells him quietly, like it’s meant just for them. “Just like how I share a part of my heart in everything I create.”

Jeno is silent, watching Donghyuck with a careful expression.

“I… never really got over you. No matter how much I tried. Maybe it’s because my heart doesn’t really want to. And it’s true, I don’t know you, Lee Jeno, and the same goes to you towards me. But I want to get to know you.”

There’s now a soft smile resting on Jeno’s face.

“I know I always resort to drawing memories,” Donghyuck chuckles at this. “But it’s only recently that I realize I can draw promises too. And I do want to move forward still, but I want to do it with you.”

Suddenly, the drawing makes sense. Indeed, it’s not a memory. It’s a vision of hope, of what they wish the future would hold. Because Donghyuck and Jeno are in the portrait together and together, they’re no longer falling backward.

After Donghyuck says that, he offers his hand to Jeno. “I’m Lee Donghyuck.”

Jeno doesn’t even hesitate when he takes Donghyuck’s hand. “Lee Jeno.”

Donghyuck beams and cocks his head towards the canvas. “Care to help me with finishing this 'promise' of an artwork?”

And again, Jeno doesn’t hesitate. “Always.”

  
  
  
  
  


> **JENO**
> 
> I'm not here for anyone else other than you. I'm not here because I have nowhere else to be -- I'm here because I'm _exactly_ where I have to be. And it's with you, Lee Donghyuck. Because I love you too. And damned be all the artworks in the world because they can never measure up to you. But even then, I'm grateful because they led me to you. And I love you, Hyuckie. I love your passion, I love your trademark paint streaks on your cheeks, I love your dreams, I love your ice cream flavors, and I love you. I love you I love you I love you --
> 
> Cue Donghyuck standing on his tip toes and kissing him.

  
  
  
  


They return to the field again that afternoon, and they play the same game.

It’s Donghyuck who catches Jeno this time.

And together, they’re falling again.

This time, forward.

  
  
  
  


> **JENO**
> 
> If I do put a part of my heart in everything I create, then that means you're there too.

**Author's Note:**

> [🎨] if you’ve reached the end of this mess i cannot thank you enough for enduring that JDJFKFKFFK that alone means a lot to me aaaa thank u for your time 🥺
> 
> [🎨] kudos and comments will be very very very appreciated!
> 
> be my friend please!! ♡  
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/halfmoonjisung)  
> [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/halfmoonjisung)


End file.
